My Shining Star
by MysticBluAngel
Summary: He was a black blur and before I knew it, he was standing in between Kurama and I, his face close to mine. Before he could say anything, I enveloped him in a hug. He stiffened and I saw Kurama trying not to laugh. Botan's POV - KB
1. A New Home

My Shining Star  
  
I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho.  
  
-Told in Botan's POV. I guess I really need to do another POV one. -_0 Hope it turns out to everyone's liking.-  
  
Chapter 1 * A New Home  
  
I stared at my hands. Tears ran down my face. I stared at my body. I touched it but my hand went right through. No.. I couldn't be dead.. I just couldn't. The tears ran down my face as though I were alive. I wasn't. I let out a cry. Rapid images of my life flashed through my mind. Sure, I was miserable, but I didn't want to die. I wanted to make something of my life. How come I didn't see it sooner? How come I didn't see that my 'boyfriend' was only out for one thing? How could I let him seduce me that way? How come he killed me because I had resisted? This wasn't over. I would haunt him to no end. I was only in my prime.  
  
"You will pay for what you did to me. You betrayed me.. betrayed my trust!" I wailed. I stared at the pallor of my skin. I choked back a sob. Little did I know that this would change my life forever. The hot tears ran down my face. The pain I felt was not physical, but emotional. We had been going out for months and it almost seemed as though my life had gotten better. "Damn you!" I screamed at him. He was sitting, curled up into a ball. His eyes were wide and frightened. I felt disgust rise inside of me. I would never trust anyone again. I felt my stomach consrict. I was sickened. There was no salvation in death.  
  
-  
  
A young girl came to fetch me. I stared at her. She was sitting on an oar. Her eyes were a dark blue, the same color as her hair. I felt like crying. Death was coming to me.  
  
"Hello." She said, looking down at my body. "Sheesh. You're the second one this month."  
  
"What?" I asked, my eyes widening in horror. "By him? Jo?" The girl nodded gravely.  
  
"Afraid so. Come with me." She sighed and held her hand out to me. I shrank away from her. "Listen, some things are much worse than death. Come with me and I promise you will get a fair deal." A look of disgust crossed my face.  
  
"I don't want a deal! I want my life back! A lot more people are going to.."  
  
"Don't worry. He'll get caught." She flipped through her book. "Yup. No one else dies from him."  
  
"This was planned for me? How could this be?" I felt a wave of disbelief and horror sweep over me. "No, this horrible life couldn't be mine.." She stared at me sadly.  
  
"Death is not an easy matter to accept. I have to take you to Reikai." She said with a deep frown. "The Spirit World."  
  
"Take me wherever. I just want to get this over-with." I sat down on her oar behind her. We lifted up and I felt the wind swirl around me. The stars were out and the moon was full. I felt the exhilaration of the flight. I've never felt this before. I was too depressed to smile. On any other day, this would've been great. I didn't know what to expect. We arrived and I felt like passing out. I really didn't want to deal with this death thing after the love of my life, Jo, had killed me. Of course, he'll probably say it was some freak accident and I fell, killing myself.  
  
"Welcome, Botan." I jumped. The voice didn't sound grown-up at all.. I looked around but didn't see anyone until someone tugged on my pantleg. I looked down and was so shocked to see a little toddler standing there.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Welcome, Botan. My name is Koenma and I am the one who will deal with your matter. Come with me."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I am the Prince of Reikai. Follow me." He was talking to me. I must be losing my head. This was simply impossible. There was no way. This death thing was getting to my head. "Come on, Botan."  
  
"How in God's name do you know my name!?" I blurted. Tears sprang into my eyes and I let all of the anger, misery, and sadness out in one scream. "This is too much for me! This is only a nightmare.. Yes.. I'll wake up and I'll see my mother's face in the morning. My alarm clock for school will go off any minute." I nodded my head. Koenma stared at me.  
  
"I get this all the time. Denial will not solve anything. Now, come on. I have a lot of work to do."  
  
"Well, this is my life we're dealing with! Is there any way at all that I can come back?" He shook his head.  
  
"No, I'm sorry. You must understand that this is not the decision I want to make. Come on. I don't have all night to stand here." I nodded and followed him. The least I could do was follow him. We entered an office. I saw a blue monster-like person in there with papers loading him down. "Ogre! Get me my list and we'll be done with this. I can't deal with anymore tonight."  
  
"Yes, Koenma." He set the papers on the desk and ran out of the room. What is going to happen to me?  
  
"Now, Botan, have a seat. Makoto, you can leave." The girl bowed slightly and disappeared. I sat down and put my head in my hands.  
  
"This is too much for me." I said quietly. "I can't deal with this." I felt a hand on my shoulder and jumped. He was on his desk, looking upset.  
  
"This stuff is never easy." He said in a comforting voice. "But it has to be dealt with in a professional way. If you don't mind, may I suggest that you work with Makoto? I need ferry girls and you have a way with people." I stared at him blankly.  
  
"Ferry girls?"  
  
"Yes, ferry girls." He nodded and sat down. "I need a leader for them. Death, the Grim Reaper, call it what you want. You have potential." I nodded, not knowing anything better to do. "Good. I will give you instructions. Our books are filled now. Thank you."  
  
"No problem.." Suddenly, the matter slapped me in the face. "Wait.. are you saying that you want me to be the Grim Reaper? You want me to go down to where I used to live and.. kill people?" He laughed.  
  
"No, you don't kill people. You just carry their souls back here so that they can find their place." I figured it was a nice cause. This was something. I could still visit Earth. I could see how my mother comes along. I could, maybe, visit her in her dreams.  
  
"Can I visit people in their dreams?" He nodded and smiled.  
  
"Yes, you can." I smiled slightly and held my hand out to him. We shook it and the ogre came back in with a list. "Add her to the ferry girl section." He turned back to me. "We'll give you some time to get settled here. Ogre will show you to your room." We left and I walked down the hall.  
  
"My name is George, by the way. Koenma always calls me ogre, though." He rolled his eyes and I just stayed silent. He stopped in front of a door. "We will have you sized into some kimonos and other clothes to your liking." I nodded and he handed me a key. I went in and closed the door, leaning against it. It was a nice plain room. I could tell this would an adventure I would never forget. I locked my door and went over my new bed. This was going to be a new experience for me. This was my new home. I took off my sweater and laid it on a dresser.  
  
"This is going to be so hard." I sat down on my bed and felt the softness of the sheets. I didn't realize how exhausted I was before.  
  
-  
  
I sat up in bed and blinked. Sunlight poured through my window and lit up the room. I rubbed my eyes and last night's memories flooded my mind. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad. I saw a door and went over to it. A bathroom. I smiled. A nice hot bath would cheer me up a little. Maybe I could even start working to try and keep my mind off myself. I walked out and opened the door to my room. I peered out and looked both ways. George saw me and waved.  
  
"Do you need anything?" I bit my lip then nodded.  
  
"Can I check out the clothes?"  
  
"Of course. Follow me. I have nothing to do at the moment." He led me down the hall after I closed the door. I looked at the number. It was number 25. I sighed. We passed a row of rooms then he opened a door. It was like a huge closet. Clothes of every size and brand hung with delicate care on hangers. I stared around the room, my mouth hanging open. "I have to go now. There are some ladies around here. Just ask them if you need help. Remember this is room 32." I nodded, dumbstruck.  
  
"Right.. 32." He left. I could only gaze around with wide eyes.  
  
"Need some help, miss?" A young girl walked over to me and smiled. I nodded. "What would you like?"  
  
"Would it be possible to get pajamas and a working outfit?" She nodded and led me to the kimono section.  
  
"Koenma-sama told the ferry girls before that it was always tradition to ferry in kimonos." I picked out a pink one and a light blue one. She commented on the nice picks. "Pajamas?" She led me to a rack. I saw nightshirts and outfits made of silk. "Other essentials?"  
  
"Of course." I blushed slightly. I quickly picked out a blue silk outfit then we traveled to the undergarment section.  
  
-  
  
I rinsed my hair out then just relaxed in the steaming water. I wasn't too upset anymore. It wasn't so bad here. Everyone seemed cheerful and happy, as if it was a different type of life here. Reikai. My new home. I sat up and pulled out the stopper then I stood up and wrapped a towel around myself. I walked out into my room. I had made my bed and laid out the pink kimono for the first day of work. Of course, I had no clue as to how to do much but it was essential that I get my mind on something else. I dressed and pulled my hair up then left my room and slipped the key into my pocket.  
  
"Botan?" I turned around and smiled slightly at Koenma, who was returning from something that he didn't seem too happy about. "Why are you.."  
  
"I want to work, Koenma-sama." I remembered the title! There's a plus. He nodded.  
  
"Very well. Come on." We went to his office and he explained to me all that was necessary. He showed me an instruction video. I chewed on my lip in thought. He handed me an oar. "This is what you are going to learn to fly on. You will get the hang of it in time. Soon, you'll be one of the best here."  
  
"Thank you." I said, bowing my head. I stood up, taking the oar from him.  
  
"Have fun on your first day." He handed me a little black book. "This is for you. Its sort of like a guide."  
  
"Okay."  
  
-  
  
That's all I have for now. Until the next chapter.  
  
Chapter 2 * The First Day  
  
Please review! 


	2. The First Day

My Shining Star  
  
I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho.  
  
-Remember, this is told in Botan's POV.-  
  
Chapter 2 * The First Day  
  
I had the oar thing down. He allowed me to do it in his office to see how I had picked up on it. I had also gotten the teleportation thing down too. I checked the communicator he gave me for the time. It was quite early. Only 8:34 AM. I put it back in my kimono. I took out the black book. It was an entire list of names. Everyone in the city and more. When they were supposed to die, when they were born, and notes about them.  
  
"Wow.." I was shocked. I flipped through pages and found my name, along with my mom's and our other relatives. I paged through and found time to memorize the first few pages. I would need some assistance for the first few days. They said I would sense it when someone died. The beeping noise of my communicator shattered my thoughts. I dug around and found it, pushing the 'answer' button. "Koenma-sama?"  
  
"No, this is George. Koenma is at a meeting with his father. The main hospital has a death. The soul is in room 94."  
  
"Sure." I nodded and pushed 'end'. I flew off on my first mission. When I got there, a woman was floating in the air, bawling her eyes out. "Hello." I tried to keep my voice from cracking, trying to seem professional. It was a little too much for me to do.  
  
"Who are you!?" She asked, looking at me in shock. I couldn't smile anymore. I felt a stinging sensation in my eyes.  
  
"My name is Botan." I said, my voice cracking a little. I wanted to shake her and tell her to stop crying. She reminded me of.. myself. A hot tear rolled down my face. "I know what you're going through.. I just went through it, too." I put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. I couldn't believe I was going to do this.  
  
"Really?" She sniffled. I nodded. My eyes traveled to the little boy beside her. He would wake up.. to find his mother dead. "I can't leave my son.."  
  
"Listen, it was your time. I know that only complicates things. Please, just come with me." I removed my hand from her shoulder and pulled out my book. It had a check mark next to my name. I searched through the book.  
  
"What is that?" She had a fearful tone in her voice. I smiled up at her.  
  
"Its a book of names. All ferry girls need them." I felt important. "Now, what is your name..?"  
  
"My name is-"  
  
"Matsura Terri?" She stared at me with an astonished look on her face. "That is your name, unless I'm mistaken."  
  
"N-no.." I patted the spot next to me. She heaved a sigh, tears still pouring down her face, and sat down next to me. "I can't believe it.."  
  
"You'll be fine. My boss, Koenma-sama, is kind. He helped me a little.. as much as someone like him can."  
  
-  
  
All of it was true. He had been a help to her, to me. I closed my eyes and felt the wind in my hair. The cold wind brushed my cheeks and dried the tears as they ran down my face. I couldn't handle much more of it. My life had changed. I am nothing now. I am a ferry girl. I am no longer a person. Maybe I have a chance for happiness.. in work. If I enjoy my work, then I will be happy. Not at this pace. I want to lead those people to the happiness they deserve.  
  
"Is that so wrong?" I whispered. Silence. Only the rustle of my kimono and a few birds broke the silence. I sighed. This was time that I had to memorize my work. How long will I be a ferry girl? "I don't know.." I took out the little black book and turned it this way and that in my shaking hands. I opened it.  
  
-  
  
"Koenma-sama?" I hesitated before entering. "I have a question." It was indeed truthful. I had a question. A question with an answer that could drag on forever.  
  
"Come on in, then, Botan." I did as I was told and closed the door. It was my only support just then. I felt weak. Quickly recovering, I hurried to the chair and took a seat. He looked at me, waiting patiently as I got my bearings.  
  
"H-how long is this supposed to be? How long is this life going to go on?" He knew what I meant, I could tell. His eyes went to the papers in front of him. His small hands folded and he looked back up at me.  
  
"That is a complex question with a complex answer." I nodded my head slightly and shifted. His gaze was stern.  
  
"I know.. You don't need to answer it, I was only curious." He could tell that it went deeper than that and his expression softened.  
  
"Curiosity is good, Botan. I'll be happy to answer that question. Get comfortable, though." I stared at him. "It won't take too much time, don't worry. I have a feeling that it will be easier for you to understand than the many times of explaining it to the others." I waited, my breath caught in my throat. "You see, you are capable of passing to the other side any time you want. I have no problem, should you want to quit. I do, however, have to seek out a new ferry girl."  
  
"So, this can last as long as I want it to?" At his nod, I frowned deeper.  
  
"Yes, Botan. We can't force you to do this against your will." He paused. "There are other complicated matters, though. This is the part no one really understands." I wasn't aware that I stopped breathing. He drew in a sharp breath to snap me out of it. I blinked. "Ready?"  
  
"Of course, Koenma-sama."  
  
"Well, there are many different rules than there are here. You must follow them with strict courtesy. I know that is also the way to do it here. It is only the rules that are different. I really never read them over, but I know there are more than there are here."  
  
"I understand."  
  
"It isn't done yet." I tilted my head to the side. "You can't go back to Ningenkai after you have passed. Nobody wants to understand this, therefore they don't."  
  
"I do, Koenma, sir." I really did. I understood it. I also understood why they didn't want to understand. I walked through the hallway, oblivious as to people around me or my soft footfalls against the tile floor.  
  
"Botan?" It was George, of that I knew. I forced myself to make an attempt at a smile. I would be a ferry girl until I couldn't handle it anymore. I knew that I would never be truely happy again.  
  
"Hello, George." He seemed to notice the tone of my voice. He looked really concerned. A few other ogres brushed by us with stacks of paper.  
  
"Are you okay?" He asked, looking directly at me. I could feel tears coming to my eyes. Biting my lip, I nodded.  
  
"I'll be fine."  
  
"First day was hard, wasn't it? Seeing other misfortunate people." He sighed then put his hand on my shoulder. "But then, are they misfortunate?" I stared at him, wondering. Maybe.. just maybe they weren't all upset. Am I? Or am I just still in the shock of this new life I live?  
  
"I-I don't know. I'll see you later, George." I rushed past him. My vision clouded over. I was just being naive. Of course I am upset. I can't ever hug my mother physically.. or see Jo.. not that I want to anymore.  
  
"Oh, you must be Botan." I stopped. What was wrong with me? Why couldn't I be as cheerful as these other girls? They were radiant with their smiles and their shining eyes alight with happiness. "My name is Kin." I turned to see a girl with blue eyes and brown hair. "Welcome to the team."  
  
"Uhm.. thanks." I forced a smile.  
  
"Want me to show you around? You don't really look like you should be alone." Kin looked sweet and harmless. Had I known her, we may have been friends. She crossed her arms. "Hey, I have an idea. Koenma-sama can give us human forms for the day. He'll know you need it." I stared at her as she grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the office that I had just come from.  
  
"But-" I couldn't come up with any arguement. I wanted the human form, but.. I would look like myself. I need to wait. I didn't want to face being there again so soon. "I can't do it.." Kin stopped and turned to me, a confused look on her face. "I can't go back so soon.."  
  
"I understand. I was like you the first few weeks. Trying to smile at everyone to get them off your back. Don't worry, everything will be fine. I have a feeling that you're going to like it here." She smiled reassuringly at me.  
  
"Possibly." I said with a small frown. "Until then, will you help me?"  
  
"Of course!" She was so enthusiastic. I wish that I was like her..  
  
-  
  
What'll happen next? Will Botan ever trust anyone again? Hmm..  
  
11-19-03 


	3. Assignment

My Shining Star  
  
I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho.  
  
Chapter 3 * Assignment  
  
-  
  
I sighed and plopped onto my bed. I got absolutely no sleep last night. It was the anniversary of my death.. I've been having a rough time with it. Five years came and went so quickly. I had made friends with almost all of the ferry girls here. They are so kind to me.  
  
"Are you serious? That is so horrible." Kin's voice stopped in front of my door. I heard a knock. "Botan? Are you in there?"  
  
"Yeah." I paused. "You can come in, if you want." She opened the door and smiled. I never once got sick of her attitude. It inspired me to work that way. I was now impassive and cheerful to everyone. Kin and I were close, like sisters.  
  
"How are ya?" She asked, closing the door and walking over to the bed. She sat down next to me. "I remember today." My eyes watered. This was the fifth anniversary and, somehow, it was the worst. I closed my eyes and hid my face in my hands.  
  
"This one has me down.."  
  
"BOTAN!" I had gotten used to that now. Five years of it would make anyone never jump in surprise again.  
  
"Yes, George?"  
  
"Koenma has a job for you. Hurry. Special case." I smiled at Kin once then raced out after the blue ogre. We went to Koenma's.  
  
-  
  
I sat on my oar. A young boy was floating over the scene of a crash. It seemed as though he had gotten hit. I flipped through my book. A small picture rested beside his profile.  
  
"I'm dead.."  
  
"Bingo!" He jumped and turned around, looking at me with a surprised look on his face. "I'm Botan."  
  
"Good for you." He said harshly, his voice cold.  
  
"And you are.." I trailed off, looking at his name. "Yuusuke Urameshi." I looked back up at him and smiled. "How nice to meet you, Yuusuke."  
  
"How do you know my name!?" He almost freaked out on me. I blinked.  
  
"Hey, hey, calm down." I smiled. "I'm here to take you to Reikai."  
  
"I ain't going anywhere with you, lady." He glared at me then looked down at the ground.  
  
"I know how you feel, Yuusuke." I frowned. "Listen to me, Koenma-sama will clear things up." I looked back down at his profile. He had a reputation as a thug, so I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. He was only being difficult. I would've been too, if it hadn't been for the desperation.  
  
"I don't want to go with you." I didn't acknowledge that he had even spoken. He wasn't supposed to die. This was a special case indeed.  
  
"You weren't supposed to die.." I could feel his gaze on me. My hands shook. I knew that I had to take him to Koenma now. When I looked up at him, he looked away.  
  
"How is the kid?"  
  
"He's fine.. but I hate to tell you that he wouldn't have gotten hit. The car would've swerved to the left and missed him completely." I looked down at the people below us. "You actually gave him more damage and caused yourself to die."  
  
"What the hell--?" He stared at me in disbelief. "But.. it didn't look that way!" I shook my head.  
  
"Of course it didn't, Yuusuke. Anyway, if you need more time to think on what I said, then you may have it." He nodded, meeting my gaze. I stared at him in mutual understanding. I could tell that there was something special about him. I lifted up and disappeared.  
  
-  
  
Tears rolled down my face. Stinging hot tears. I couldn't stop them. I would never trust anyone again, that was the promise I had made to myself all those years ago. I found myself wanting to trust again. I wanted to trust Yuusuke. I know that I just met him, but it seemed impossible not to look past the tough guy part of him.  
  
"Botan.." It was Kin. I looked over at her. She stared at me. No smile was on her face and she looked pale.  
  
"Don't worry, Kin." I said reassuringly as I wiped the tears from my face. "I'm fine." I sat up. Yuusuke must've thought about it by now. I got up and walked past her. She followed me and stopped at the two big doors to the entrance. I sat down on my oar and teleported myself to Ningenkai. I found Yuusuke.  
  
"I've thought about it, Botan.. but I can't. I'm just not ready to let go." I remained silent as tears flowed down my face. He looked back at me and he frowned. "What's the matter?"  
  
"Nothing, Yuusuke-kun." I looked down when girl's chatter reached my ears. Three girls were walking and I saw Yuusuke looking down at them. I took out my book.  
  
"Keiko.." I stopped dead. The soft sound of Yuusuke's voice.. he sounded so sad. I shook my head, still letting the tears flow freely. I found her. Keiko. The one that was down there.  
  
"Keiki Yukimura." Her record was certainly one to be proud of. "Wow.. a grade A student." I looked up at Yuusuke.  
  
"What kind of book is that?" He asked softly. I snapped it shut and let my fingers glide over the smooth black cover.  
  
"I-its a book.. with everyone in it." I couldn't bring myself to look back at him.  
  
-  
  
(A few weeks later..)  
  
I blinked. Kin was laughing it up with a few other ferry girls. I approached and Kin looked up at me, her blue eyes sparkling.  
  
"What's so funny?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"Ayame saw Koenma-sama's workload!" They started laughing all over again. "He'll be in there for days!"  
  
"Poor Koenma-sama.." I could hardly contain my laughter. Koenma had been a bit moody these past few days. But now.. he must be uttering curse after curse.  
  
"Botan!" I sighed. That was Yuusuke's voice coming from my communicator. I flipped it open and frowned deeply.  
  
"Yes, Yuusuke?" I asked, worry clouding my emotions.  
  
"I think you better get down here! Quick!"  
  
"Why? Are you having trouble with the artifacts?" I clamped a hand over my mouth. The girls had no idea what I was talking about anyway. I looked back down at Yuusuke's worried face. "I'll be down in a second." I closed it and looked back up to meet my friends' gazes. "I have to run. Sorry for such a short visit!" And with that I teleported to Ningenkai.  
  
"Its about time!" I gave him a look. Because of my promise to myself, I still feel the need to protect myself and my true feelings from everyone. Even Yuusuke. He never saw me cry again after that day. I was friends with him, to an extent. I cared for him and he cared for me. We had an understanding. When he was dead and even now, he understood. He still doesn't know what it feels like to be killed by someone you loved and trusted with all of your heart.. Of course, I may be exaggerating. There is the one fact that I still had a feeling that we were slipping when he started to try and feel me. I had talked to him about it. He had said that he would wait until I was ready. Apparently, that was not so. "Earth to Botan! Are we making contact?" I jumped a little and stared at him. He put his hand on my shoulder. "You okay?"  
  
"Y-Yes, of course." I assured him and myself of the fact that I wasn't going to tell him what was really wrong. He would only worry and it wouldn't help. I bit my lip and forced myself to smile at him. "What are we waiting for? Let's go!" I grabbed his arm before he could utter another word.  
  
"Botan-" I didn't heed to his warning as I charged right into a clearing. We were alone, or so it looked. Yuusuke's tracker was going off. "He's here.." He trailed off. I looked around in high hopes that he wouldn't be brutal and mean-looking. He was. "I think you should get out of here." I did back up and let go of Yuusuke, but I didn't leave. I watched them fight with worry making me feel a little sick. I shook and shivered from fear. I fell to my knees and picked up the nearest thing I could find. I needed to distract Goki and give Yuusuke more time.  
  
"Hey you!" I threw the object in my hand, only to realize it was only a thick section of a branch. It hit him in the head and fell near Yuusuke. I met Goki's gaze and fell back, backing up with all the speed I could muster. Yuusuke got him to turn around, open his mouth then he stuck the branch in the beast's mouth and fired his spirit gun. I watched as the glowing orbs, that were the children's souls, go back to their rightful bodies.  
  
"Thanks a lot for that distraction, Botan." I helped Yuusuke stand and supported him on my shoulder. Yuusuke had filled me in about the meeting between Kurama, Hiei, and Goki. I felt uneasy. We walked for a few minutes and were now on the street. I felt the need to tell Yuusuke all about my problems but I couldn't. Yuusuke's tracker was going off. He couldn't beat another demon. These last two of the alliance were strong. I could feel him stiffen. I clutched him tighter to me.  
  
"This isn't good.." He said quietly. I watched as the crowd parted. A boy with long red hair and enchanting jade-colored eyes walked toward us. My heart started to race. "We're meat on a stick if he fights us."  
  
"No need to worry. I have no intention of fighting you." His voice was calm, his eyes, impassive. I couldn't see a single track of emotion. "I do, however, have a favor to ask." We stared at him.  
  
"You're awfully bold." Yuusuke pointed out. I could tell that he really trusted Kurama. "What's the favor?"  
  
"Meet me at the hospital. Before sunset. Come alone." And he left. I could see no real reason not to trust him but.. I could trust no one. What I was worried about was my reaction to him. I felt as though I had a crush on him.  
  
-  
  
(A few days later..)  
  
I stared out over the glittering city. The lights were on and they glimmered in the darkness. Clouds were above me, blocking the view of the stars. The clouds moved and the moon became visible to me. Under my feet, the dark houses rested. I could clearly see his apartment. I had felt drawn to him.  
  
"Kurama.. why must you be in my thoughts?" I gently touched my oar. "I cannot bear to think that my will is fading as I sit here and watch your window." It was true. Every word. I knew that he would be my downfall. He would make my will fade. The smooth wood of my oar was cold and, as I touched it, my hands grew cooler. Desperation was settling in on my mind.  
  
"Botan?" I continued to stare at the dark window. I couldn't let my heart take control. Had I listened to my heart before.. I wouldn't be here. I knew something was wrong with Jo before I even considered saying yes to his questions. "Kin to Botan!" I jumped, startled.  
  
"Shh!" I hissed, looking back at the window to see if the light had come on or a dark figure in the window.  
  
"Botan, we need to go back to Reikai. Unless you have the night shift, I suggest you get some sleep." I realized she was right. Maybe I just needed sleep.  
  
-  
  
11-24-03 


	4. Escape

My Shining Star  
  
I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho.  
  
Chapter 4 * Escape  
  
-  
  
I woke up. It was still dark. I had only been sleeping an hour. I would never get to sleep if I continued to think about him. I pulled my blankets tighter around me and tried desperately to forget.  
  
-  
  
I nearly fell asleep listening to Koenma ramble on about how important it was that Yuusuke keep training with Genkai. He already knew and had set his mind to it. I assured Koenma and he sighed, nodding to me. I leaned against the door after I closed it. No sleep really kills one.  
  
"Botan-chan!" Kin's cheerful voice shattered the fogginess in my mind. I looked over at her and smiled. She frowned worriedly at me. "Are you okay? You have circles under your eyes." I nodded, too tired to listen to a word she said.  
  
"I'm fine, Kin-chan. I just need a nap."  
  
"Have you been working too hard? I barely see you anymore, what with those humans needing your assistance all the time." She crossed her arms, not looking happy at all.  
  
"Listen, Kin-chan, I'm sorry. It's been a tough week. I need some sleep. I'll see you later." I waved to her as I walked down the hall. The last thing I needed was to stand in the hall and talk. I unlocked my door and opened it, turning the light on. At my feet rested a letter. The little white envelope was upside down. I bent down and picked it up, closing the door as I did so. I flipped it around to see that it was addressed to me in neat writing. I flipped it back around and opened it.  
  
-Botan,  
  
I will issue you to do something for me. Kurama and Hiei have been here for a few days and refuse to listen to anything the others, and I have said. You will be assigned to help them and release them when needed.  
  
Koenma-  
  
I scowled. The letter was clutched in my hands so tightly that it crinkled. I couldn't do it. I didn't even realize they were here in Reikai. No wonder I couldn't sleep. I felt the familiar stinging sensation in my eyes. There was no way I would be able to do it. I had just talked to him! Why didn't he tell me!?  
  
"I see the gratitude." I knew that I had to do it, but how was I supposed to? How did he expect me to do this? Of course. He didn't know that the turmoil in my very soul was raging a war. I crumpled the paper into a ball and threw it into the garbage. I needed to think this over.  
  
"Botan?" I sighed. What now? "Its me, George." He knocked and I opened the door, irritated.  
  
"What?" He blinked at me, surprised. I gave him a look.  
  
"We need you to go to the prison."  
  
"Great." I turned the light off and walked out, beside him, slamming the door. He led me to the prison. At the very back, I saw the mane of fiery red hair. The jade eyes turned to look at us. My heart was thumping loudly in my chest. It might've just been my head, telling me that he was the right one. I doubted that theory.  
  
"Why, if it isn't another-" He stopped. I don't know why, but he stared at me as though he was afraid of me.  
  
"Don't you ever give up?" Hiei spoke up from the darkness. His gleaming red eyes sent shivers down my spine. I looked over at George.  
  
"Thanks, but I'll take it from here." He nodded. I decided to be stern to them, not let them on that I even showed emotion. "So, you've been misbehaving." I narrowed my eyes at them.  
  
"Hn." Hiei mumbled. "Why do you care?" I crossed my arms, giving them each a cold look.  
  
"I don't."  
  
"Fine." I clenched my fists. Whistles could be heard throughout the place. My cheeks flushed red and I angrily turned around.  
  
"Shut up, you multi-colored freaks!" I screamed. "Leave me the hell alone and don't even think of sticking your hands out here. I'm not afraid to slap you silly!"  
  
"Temper, temper." Hiei hissed from behind me. I whirled around to face him. Kurama's eyes were slightly wide. I could tell that I was being insensitive, but I didn't care. I'd had enough.  
  
"Shut up, you little idiot. I am not going to deal with any projects that have to do with you. I just got notice that I was doing this. I'd rather cart souls than be here with you goons." I hissed back. I crossed my arms again.  
  
"Well, then, why are you wasting your time here?" I sighed and sat down in the chair that had been placed near the cell.  
  
"It's my job and I have to do it."  
  
-  
  
Tired. So tired. Its no wonder I blew up yesterday at the jail. I had been there all day, arguing with Hiei. Kurama hadn't said a word. I wasn't sure if he noticed my little glances. He just continued to stare at me. At one point, I had threatened him, but he didn't heed to it. I sighed.  
  
"How were they?" I turned my head to meet a blue-eyed gaze. "The demons, I mean." I shrugged.  
  
"I spent most of the day arguing.. actually.. the entire time I was there was reserved for arguing." I shook my head. "They'll never get out for good behavior." She looked at me worriedly.  
  
"How was Kurama?"  
  
"Fine." I gave her an irritated look. "He was the worst. He just kept staring at me. I mean, sure, I met him before this but that is no reason to stare relentlessly."  
  
"He didn't say a word to you?" I shook my head. We reached my room and I pulled my key out. "Hmm.. He wouldn't stop insulting the other girls and me." She smiled then shrugged. "Oh well. Anyway, what are you doing tomorrow night?"  
  
"Well.. I don't know." I answered truthfully. I was half-expecting to find a letter. There was one. I bent down and picked it up then straightened. I waved it around. "This might say." The same neat writing was written.  
  
-Botan,  
  
Sorry I need to do this to you. For the next few days, I want you to work this schedule.  
  
8:00 AM - 8:35 PM * Kurama and Hiei  
  
8:37 PM - 7:35 AM * Night shift on Ningenkai and Makai  
  
Be very partial and do as the schedule says. I'll give you further instructions if they change.  
  
Koenma-  
  
I stared at the note in disbelief. No way. This was not happening. I need my sleep. I need a vacation.. an escape. Kin took the note from my limp hands.  
  
"This definitely answers my question." She frowned at me. "I'll bully Koenma for you, if you want." I went limp.  
  
"No, that's okay. I'll do it the next time I see him.. if I'm not asleep on my feet." I answered.  
  
"'Kay. I'll try to get in on the night shift with you." She smiled at me. I pouted. "Keep awake. I'm sure that if you fall asleep on those two that they would wake you up."  
  
"We'll most likely be doing other things than sitting in a jail room. I feel like I'm baby-sitting." I rolled my eyes. She giggled.  
  
"Well, get your sleep. See ya for lunch. He can't deny you food."  
  
"True." She handed me the letter and I watched as she walked away. I sighed and turned on the light. It had felt like forever since I had slept in my bed.  
  
-  
  
At 8 I was at the jail. George led us to a room in which we would be doing work. I frowned. This was definitely not my life.. wait. What life?  
  
"If this isn't charming." Hiei said sarcastically. I turned and glared at him. "Look at it, I mean, I'd rather do the work in the cell."  
  
"Shut up and don't complain." I narrowed my eyes at him.  
  
"Fine, whatever." I took a look around the room and found it was of normal office space and there were papers scattered all over the place. My mouth dropped open. No way. Work..  
  
"This is not happening to me.." I turned around and frowned at George. "Tell Koenma that I want to see him. The little twerp!"  
  
"Yes, of course, Botan." He left and I sat down, banging my head on the desk in front of me. Since I am so lucky, the little letter with my lovely schedule on it happened to fall on the floor. I reached down but Kurama got there first. He opened it, read it, then looked up at me.  
  
"You haven't gotten any sleep, have you?" He looked a little worried. I bit my lip and grabbed the paper from him. "Botan?"  
  
"No, Kurama. I haven't slept at all. Now, if you don't mind, I would like to get done early so that I can sleep.. Not that I can." He stared at me with this peculiar look on his face.  
  
"Is that the reason you wish to consult Koenma?"  
  
"Hn, the toddler needs a nice whack on the head." Hiei said, crossing his arms as he sat down in a chair next to Kurama.  
  
"Let's just get to work." We were working for a few minutes before Koenma got there. He gave me a curious look and I glared at him. I looked at the other two. "Keep working." I pulled him outside the office and took the paper out. "You expect me to do this!?" I narrowed my eyes at him.  
  
"Botan, had it been my choice-"  
  
"No, I don't want to hear it! What the hell do you think I am? I can't work this. I haven't slept yet!"  
  
"What about last night?"  
  
"You honestly think I could sleep? Have you ever heard of the word 'overtired'? Obviously not."  
  
"Have you ever heard of the word 'stress'?" He crossed his arms. I really wanted to slap him. "Listen, we have a problem anyway. I need you down on Ningenkai to tell Yuusuke about this." He handed me a letter. "It's from Maze Castle. The Four Saint Beasts want out." I sighed.  
  
"Fine."  
  
-  
  
I hit a green lizard creature over the head with my metal bat. I had changed outfits. From my pink kimono to a tight red shirt and tight black pants with black boots. I frowned as Yuusuke and Kuwabara raced toward me.  
  
"Hey! It's the pretty lady." I heard Kuwabara say as they neared me. I ignored it.  
  
"Botan, what's up?" I switched my gaze to Yuusuke.  
  
"Listen, Yuusuke, this is important. Koenma-sama has another mission for you." He frowned.  
  
"I just got out of grandma's evil boot camp! I need a vacation. Come back in two years." I wanted to hit him with the bat but I knew that it would solve nothing.. however, it would give him a headache.  
  
"Sorry, Yuusuke. But you have to do this. Makai insects are taking over the city. How would you feel if someone got seriously hurt?" I frowned. "Besides, if Keiko got hurt it would be all your fault." I crossed my arms. I was not in the mood to play games. I guess that convinced him..  
  
-  
  
I was having a rough time keeping everyone calm back in Reikai. I tried to assure them that everything was going to be fine.  
  
"Botan, a wave of Makai insects-" He never got to finish. I nodded and summoned my oar. "Take this and use your metal bat." Smirking, I nodded again. I departed. I wondered how Yuusuke and Kuwabara were doing.. Wait.. Where were Hiei and Kurama? I shook my head. They were probably down there helping. Hopefully.. if they weren't how were Yuusuke and Kuwabara supposed to survive in Maze Castle alone?  
  
"Botan!" I looked over and noticed Kin running toward me.  
  
"Hey!" I was happy to have some help. We landed and jumped off our oars. "You gonna help me?" She nodded with a smile.  
  
"Be glad to." She was still holding her oar. I leaned on my baseball bat. "Besides, Reikai is going to be a mess. People are being killed.."  
  
"I know." I went rigid. The hairs on the back of my neck stood straight on end and a chill ran through my body. I turned around but saw nothing. What went wrong? Was it.. I pulled out my communicator. My heart was racing so fast that I was having trouble breathing. "Yuusuke!"  
  
"Botan?" His face came up on the screen. "What's wrong?"  
  
"What's happening?" I asked, frantic. He looked away from the screen then he directed it so that I could see the fight.. Kurama had just gotten wounded. So they were there.  
  
"This is only the first beast. We just got past the Gate of Betrayal, thanks to Hiei and his speed." He explained. "Listen, I have to go." The screen went blank. I cried out in frustration. Kin cleared her throat.  
  
"I'm sorry.." I shakily put the communicator back and took a deep breath. I held onto the bat and took a practice swing. My limbs were shaky. No matter what, I couldn't fight this feeling. I was worried.. and that feeling of mine about Kurama. It wouldn't seem to leave me. It was haunting me.  
  
"Botan!" Kin grabbed my hand and pulled me along with her as we ran. She ducked behind a corner and used her oar to knock the guy flat. "Are you okay? You really shouldn't let yourself be distracted. I'm sure Yuusuke still wants his assistant whole."  
  
"You're right. I'm just letting something get to me, that's all. Come on. We need to get them and fast."  
  
"Would it be better to split up? I don't think you're in the condition to be doing it alone." I honestly didn't want to be alone.  
  
"It would be best." I looked at the ground. My feeling was empty.. a pain that I had felt before. I could feel it more now. It was like a dark void of fire burning away at my very soul.  
  
"You should be okay, right? I'd hate to leave you like this but it's the only way to cover more ground." I nodded. She turned around and, with one last look back, ran off. I knew then that it was a mistake to insist on doing it alone. I slumped against the wall and regained my composure. Then I stood up straight and ran down the street.  
  
-  
  
The feeling was still there. Now I was being chased. I felt like my soul was in danger.. It wasn't the guy chasing me either. The more I thought about it, the more logical my other theory was. I recalled when Yuusuke showed me the battle. Kurama was hurt.. It was almost as if I could sense it. Now that I knew they were all in danger, it made my heart pound.. and with each beat came a new round of pain. My breath was now coming in short gasps and I could hardly run any longer. I felt a hand on my shirt, yanking me to a stop. I whimpered then swung my bat with all my might. It may have knocked him out, but I still felt as though I was still trapped.  
  
"I can't do this.." I whispered. Tears fell from my eyes. The others were getting killed and here I was being a coward. I furiously brushed at my tears. These people were depending on me. Right then, I was one of the only people who were able to see the Makai Insects.  
  
"Botan?" I gasped lightly, looking up a little.. almost afraid. My communicator had dropped open on the ground. My pain-filled expression.. Yuusuke must have seen it by the look on his face. "Are you okay?"  
  
"I'll be fine." I picked it up and used my bat to steady my shaking body. "How are you doing?"  
  
"We just got by the second beast."  
  
"You have to hurry! I-" I was cut short when the little mirror was thrown to the ground and hands were wrapped around my neck, pushing me against the brick building behind me. The man was suspending me in the air and I pulled at his hands.. clawing at them to get myself free. It was then that I realized that I had no weapon to defend myself with. I could hear Yuusuke and the others screaming through the mirror at me but I was helpless. My breath was being cut short and the rapid beating of my heart didn't help much. I was suddenly overcome with fear.  
  
"Botan!" I could hear Kurama's voice. I tried to gasp for breath but his grip was just too tight. "Botan, listen to me! It's Kurama!" The screaming of other people in the streets cut off the rest of what he said. I couldn't hold my breath for much longer. I suddenly swung my foot out and kicked him right in the groin. He hunched over and I grabbed the communication mirror and my bat and ran for my life.  
  
"I'm fine now.. I can't run for long.."  
  
"Find yourself a place to hide!" Yuusuke's voice carried over the screen.  
  
"No, I won't. I have to fight them! Now, go destroy that whistle before-" The metallic ring of my bat cut off the rest of my sentence as I hit another guy over the head. I closed the mirror and put it back in my shirt, preparing to fight and kill more insects..  
  
-  
  
My new mission was to save Keiko. We hid and ran all over the school. I could feel weariness come over me. Keiko was scared, I could tell. She probably wanted Yuusuke to be here. If he were, we would be worse off because then he wouldn't be able to destroy the whistle. I wanted to scream and yell and have all of it just vanish or at least be a dream. But dreams didn't hurt this much. I could hear them outside the room we were hiding in. I pressed my finger to my lips, signaling to Keiko to be quiet. She nodded, biting her lip. All I could seem to think about were the boys and how they were doing. I was worried about them.. and Keiko, of course. I had to get her out of here as fast as possible.  
  
-  
  
This is the end of this chapter! How will they get out of there? Will they get out? 


	5. Red, Red Rose

My Shining Star  
  
Still don't own.. never will.  
  
Chapter 5 * Red, Red Rose  
  
-  
  
"We need to find a place to hide. I won't stop until you're safe." I frowned. I looked around. "There's a closet. It's our only hope right now. They'll find us in here.." I looked out the window. "Not unless.."  
  
"The fire escape?" Keiko stared at me. "As long as there are none of them.. things on the roof."  
  
"Or on the ground. Let's go before they find out we're in here." I stood up and walked over to the window, Keiko following me. Suddenly, the door flew off its hinges and just barely missed us. I looked back. What I saw filled my heart with horror. They were coming toward us. I grabbed Keiko's wrist and pulled her behind me. "I'll hold them off. Hopefully Yuusuke can destroy that whistle soon.. Escape through the window. Go on!"  
  
"But-" I grabbed a chair and smashed it over the first one's head. Then I swung it at more of them. Someone pulled it from my hands and tried to hit me with it. All went black.  
  
-  
  
I woke up and put my hand to my head. I looked around. I was in a room.. Who's though? I frowned. Had Yuusuke destroyed the whistle in time? Where was Keiko? I looked at the door when I heard voices outside. The door opened and Kurama stepped in. A faint warmth came to my cheeks when he looked at me.  
  
"How are you feeling?" I opened my mouth but nothing came out. Biting my lip, I nodded. "Well?" I nodded again. "Keiko is fine. We owe keeping her alive to you." Keiko came in and pulled off the bandages that were around my forehead.  
  
"Thank you, Botan. I'm sorry for being so much trouble." I smiled at her.  
  
"Don't apologize, Keiko. You're not trouble at all. You are such a sweet girl and I'm certain that I can see now."  
  
"See? What do you mean?" I shook my head, meaning, of course, why Yuusuke liked her so much.  
  
"Well, anyway, how is our hero?" Kurama smiled.  
  
"He is still unconscious. From what I could see, he will make a full recovery." I smiled and nodded. Yuusuke and I had a connection. Sighing, I pulled myself up and walked out of the room.  
  
"I must return to Koenma-sama immediately. He's probably going to be so angry with me. I'll see you two later." I ran out of the apartment and summoned my oar. I flew upward toward Reikai. The river Styx was below me and I flew down, using my speed to split the water. I could feel the cool spray as it splashed on my face. I really hoped that Koenma wouldn't be mad at me. Keiko was alive.. but without much of my help.  
  
"Botan!" I was nearly knocked from my oar as I hit a very hard force.. or rather that force hit me.  
  
"Kin-chan, you can stop smothering me now!" I smiled at her and her eyes got really wide and watery. "Don't look at me that way. I need to see Koenma-sama. Meet me in my room later, would you?"  
  
"Sure thing." She smiled and waved at me. "Koenma isn't too mad. He's actually quite pleased with your performance in keeping the human girl alive." I waved at her and walked down the corridors toward Koenma's office. I was certain to hear something that would count for my bad points.  
  
"Boy, Botan, you sure gave me a scare!" I jumped slightly when George appeared at my side. He looked at me and sweat-dropped. "You're fine though, right?"  
  
"Yes, I'm in one piece. How is Koenma-sama doing?" He hesitated for a minute then sighed.  
  
"Oh, he's doing fine. He isn't mad at you at all. Kin and the other girls were really worried about you." I nodded.  
  
"So, Hiei and Kurama are off, hmm?" He nodded. "Their slates are clean, then. I'm sure they'll be sticking with Yuusuke and helping him out. They helped out marvelously. Yuusuke wouldn't have made it without their help." I remembered how my stomach fluttered when I was around him. I walked down the corridor and hesitated at the door. Shaking my head, I opened it and went in. Koenma looked up at me.  
  
"You did well in that emergency, Botan. However, I would rather have you helping Yuusuke than being up here all the time. You get to be my assistant for the spirit detective case." I didn't know what to say.. or even do. I felt a grin come to my face.  
  
"Thank you so much, Koenma-sama!" I tried to contain my excitement. It hardly helped. "Wait till I tell the others!" I left the office, happier than I thought I could be. I had a good feeling around Yuusuke. It was the best feeling I ever had. I felt like I could truly trust him.  
  
*  
  
"Can you believe it!?" I smiled at Kin as we sat in my room. "Of course, I'll be here most of the time.. unless Yuusuke has some new mission." She nodded, smiling.  
  
"I'm happy that you're finally waking up." She hit me with the pillow she was holding. "You really need to be happy like this all the time." She hit me with the pillow again. "Did you know that it's fun to hit you?" I raised my pillow and hit her over the head.  
  
"It's fun to hit you, too!" This was war!  
  
*  
  
Feelings.. overwhelming me. How could I possibly control these feelings for Kurama? I had allowed Yuusuke to be in my heart only as a friend.. but my feelings for Kurama.. they were different and a lot stronger. I sat in my room by myself waiting for noon. Koenma-sama needed to see me then. I stared down at my hands. Sighing, I got up and decided to wander the halls until noon. It was only an hour away.  
  
"Botan!" Kin waved to me from down the hall. "Come on! Come with us to get something to eat."  
  
"Okay." Kin helped me to take my mind off of things I didn't need or want to think about. I followed the girls to the cafeteria and sat down with them. Despite all that was being said around me, my mind wandered. I was worried about Yuusuke. Had he woken up yet? I felt really bad. I should be down there with them, watching over the spirit detective. I snapped out of it when Kin slapped me on the back. "Huh?"  
  
"What are you thinking?" She asked, smiling slightly. I shook my head.  
  
"Just dazing." Glancing at the clock, I stood up. "I'd better go. I told Koenma-sama that I would meet him at noon." I left and took my time since I had a few minutes to get there. When I opened the door, Koenma was sitting behind his desk, stamping papers. George yawned beside him. I glanced over and happened to see Kurama standing with Hiei in the corner.  
  
"Ah, Botan! You're here!" I jumped slightly, flushing in embarrassment. I bowed slightly.  
  
"Of course, sir.." I trailed off, looking back up. Koenma sent George away and Kurama and Hiei walked over to stand next to the desk. "Uhm.. what is this about?"  
  
"You." Kurama said with a smile. "I believe that you should stay in Ningenkai with us for a while." My mouth was opening and closing like a fish.  
  
"Wha..?" I stared at them, speechless. I looked over at Koenma. He smiled at me.  
  
"And I, of course, said yes! You're better off down there, anyway. I don't need to give you schedules like this anymore." He held up a sheet of paper and ripped it. Then he threw the pieces in the air. I was still in initial shock. What did they want me in Ningenkai for?  
  
"B-But, sir.. Kin and the others.. they need me here.." I bit my lip. I couldn't abandon the girls to such hectic schedules.  
  
"No need to worry about them, Botan. They'll still have their same schedules." Koenma said waving his hand. It still felt wrong to me. I was a ferry girl. I belonged in Reikai. I was dead, for crying out loud! "I would highly suggest you take it. Even though you have earned yourself the title of my best ferry girl, I've been working you too hard. Go on. Take it as a.. vacation." I shook my head, regaining my voice.  
  
"No, Koenma-sama! It feels wrong to me.."  
  
"I know it was not too long ago, Botan." He said reassuringly. "And I know you have problems with taking on a human form. No need to worry about anything. If you do run into someone you know, try not to be rude. Off with you now. This stamping doesn't do itself and I don't have a trained monkey for the job. Run along." He practically pushed me out of his office and closed the door. Sighing, I went to my room and unlocked the door. I flipped on the light switch and was about to close the door when I froze.  
  
"Nice room."  
  
"Too bright." I turned around to see Hiei and Kurama. They walked in past me and looked around. I closed the door and cleared my throat. "Hn. I'll be waiting for you at home, Kurama." He left and it was only Kurama and I.  
  
"Why did you want me in Ningenkai?" He walked closer to me and pulled out a piece of paper.  
  
"Does this, by any chance, remind you of something?" I took the paper and glanced at it. I cringed immediately. "At least when in Ningenkai, I can rest easy knowing that you can get some sleep."  
  
"Where would I stay, anyway?" I crossed my arms, frowning deeper. "And why would it bother you if I slept or not?" He smiled.  
  
"Now, now, now. Curiosity killed the cat." He sighed. "Keiko has offered that you stay with her." He walked over to the bed and lifted up the sheet, looking underneath. "You should begin packing your bags." He pulled out a bag and set it on my bed.  
  
"I know." He looked at me with his gorgeous jade green eyes and I nearly melted right there. I looked away from him and closed my eyes, feeling a stinging sensation come to them. I felt a hand on my shoulder.  
  
"If you ever wish to tell someone something, I will always listen." I felt him lift his hand and heard him turn the doorknob.  
  
"Thank you." I said softly. I turned to look at him and saw him smile. He left and I sank to the floor in a heap. Damn my emotions!  
  
"Botan? Why was Kurama here?" I looked up at Kin. "Did he say anything that hurt you?" She sat down on the floor next to me and put her arm around my shoulders.  
  
"No.. he only said something that made me like him." I threw my arms around her. "I told myself that I couldn't trust anyone! Now look at me!"  
  
"You can always open up to someone, Botan. Just listen to your heart." She slapped me on the back. "Now, shall we get you packing?"  
  
"You know?"  
  
"Well, duh! How long does a secret last around here?" She grinned at me. "Koenma told me to help you pack. Said that you should get it done as soon as you can."  
  
*  
  
I hate life. I hate my life. I couldn't sleep. The moon's light flooded into Keiko's guest room and shone on me like silver sunlight. I couldn't sleep. If I closed my eyes, I would see Kurama's face when he stared at me earlier. I didn't like having fantasies! I liked being realistic. Kurama will never like me and I shouldn't get my hopes up. Besides, I don't want to end up in a heap on my floor, bawling my eyes out because someone takes advantage me, right? I snuggled deeper into the blanket and closed my eyes, finally letting sleep take me.  
  
*  
  
"Botan!" I opened my eyes, panting heavily as I stared at Keiko. She gave me a worried look. "What's wrong?"  
  
"Nightmare.." I closed my eyes and fell back, trying not to remember what it was about. "Did I say anything out loud?"  
  
"You said a name.. Jo." She blinked at me, frowning. I groaned. "Who is he?"  
  
"He's my murderer.." I whispered. She gasped, her eyes widening. "He killed me.." I sat back up and slipped out from under the covers. I closed my eyes.  
  
"Botan.." I was startled when I felt her arms wrap around me. I sat there for a minute then stood up, biting my lip to keep from crying.  
  
"I-I'll be back later." I took some clothes and went into the bathroom, changed, then left. I pulled my sweater around me and looked up at the sky. Why did this happen to me? I continued to walk until I came to the jail. Frowning, I went in. My eyes roamed around.  
  
"What are you doing here, missy?" A guy asked gently. I jumped, my eyes widening in fright. Then I shook my head.  
  
"Is there a boy named Jo Segawa here?" He frowned.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"May I please speak with him?" He nodded and led me to a room. I followed at my own pace, taking my time to look around.  
  
"Wait here." I sat down in a chair and saw a glass window in front of me. There were other people there but it was pretty empty. A few minutes later, I saw him. It was like seeing my worst nightmare walking toward me. He stared at me, his mouth open in a surprised look. I crossed my arms, trying my best not to cry in front of him. He touched the glass, looking haunted.  
  
"You.. You're dead.." He whispered. I glared defiantly at him.  
  
"And why do you think that is, genius?" I asked scornfully. His eyes looked hollow. I felt a hand on my shoulder and jumped, looking back. Kurama gazed at me curiously then looked up at Jo. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"I saw you come in.." He gave me a worried look. I turned back to Jo.  
  
"I'm much happier now than I was when I was with you. I can't believe I thought there was something there. I've wanted to say these words ever since that day five years ago!" I felt the tears in my eyes but I didn't care. "You ruined my life! I could've been happy! I could have had a life. Now I don't. And do you know why?" His eyes were wide and filled with fright. I stood up, leaning forward. "Because you came along!"  
  
"You don't know how many times your mother has been here.. saying things like that to me." I froze. Here was the man I once loved.. The man who killed me. I closed my eyes and turned around.  
  
"Come on, Kurama." I grabbed his hand and ran out of the jail. Once we were outside and the place was out of sight, I collapsed onto the ground.  
  
"Who was that?" Kurama asked gently, kneeling down. I looked up at him, tears running down my face. I threw my arms around him.  
  
"His name is Jo Segawa.. He killed me five years ago.." I shook in his arms. He then took me by the shoulders and gently pulled me up. He stared at me, no pity in his eyes.. but they held remorse.  
  
"Why did you go in if you knew that he would cause this reaction?" I pulled away from him and closed my eyes.  
  
"I had to say what I wanted to say to him for all these years." My voice was soft and cold. I put my arms around myself. "I couldn't be in this form without doing it." He was silent. Then again, I didn't expect him to say anything anyway. I sighed and began walking back to Keiko's house.  
  
*  
  
Done with this chapter! ^_^ Please review! 


	6. Lonely

My Shining Star  
  
Nope.. don't own.  
  
Chapter 6 * Lonely  
  
-  
  
I swallowed my pride. It would do no good to have any now. Kurama saw me cry. He knew now what Jo did to me. How was I supposed to hide it? The truth is out now. I stood in the bathroom, staring down into the sink. The water drowned out my low curses and what crying I had done. The look of fear on Jo's face was probably similar to mine when he killed me.  
  
"What do I do now?" I whispered to my reflection. I touched the mirror. Its cold surface was like mine. I was a lie on the outside and a mess on the inside. Sort of like a puddle of water with grains of dirt floating around in it.  
  
"Botan?" I turned off the water and wiped my eyes. I opened the door and saw Keiko smile at me. "How about a day at the mall?" I brightened.  
  
"Sounds like a lot of fun!" I ran out, grabbed a skirt and a tank top. I also grabbed a hairbrush, a hair tie, some clear lip-gloss, and sandals. I got dressed and met Keiko by the door.  
  
-  
  
"This is the life." I said with a wide smile. "I haven't been to the mall in over five years!"  
  
"That's a long time." Keiko said, taking a sip of her soda. "I'm happy that it was me you went with. After all.. you did help me." I frowned.  
  
"No need to pay me back for that. A little favor to Yuusuke." I said. A blush crept to her cheeks. "Now, where should we go next?"  
  
"Hello, young ladies.." We turned around and the guy's eyes widened at the sight of me. I blinked. "Botan!?" I nodded.  
  
"Yes.. who.."  
  
"It's me, Reijiro!" My mouth fell open and I dropped my bags.  
  
"Reijiro?" I ran forward and hugged him, a bright smile on my face.  
  
"It's been five years.. where have you been? Everyone thought that Jo killed you.. They didn't have the casket open at the funeral.." I pulled away from him and lowered my eyes to the ground. Reijiro was always there for me when I had needed him. He was one of my best friends.  
  
"Uhm.." I had no idea what to say.  
  
"She was staying with me for a while! After Jo.. well.." I mentally thanked Keiko. There was no doubt that she would get a hug for this one.  
  
"I knew he was bad.. but Botan.." I looked up at him and gasped lightly when I felt his lips brush against mine. "I missed you."  
  
"Yeah.. I missed you too, Reijiro." I smiled at him. "Here." I took a pen out of my purse and took his hand, writing my number and name on his skin. "Call me some time." I then turned around, grabbed my bags and Keiko and ran. I stopped once we were out of sight.  
  
"What was that all about?" I stiffened and my eye twitched.  
  
"I knew him from a while ago.. as you can clearly see. I knew he liked me.. but Jo.." I trailed off. She put her arm around me and smiled.  
  
"We have more shopping to do!" I smiled. I liked this girl's attitude!  
  
-  
  
I smiled and went through my bags of new clothes.  
  
"Hey! Guess what!" I looked over at the doorway. Keiko stood there, smiling. "Shizuru proposes a night out for the girls!" I grinned.  
  
"Sounds like fun! Where are we going?"  
  
"To the new club that opened, of course!"  
  
"Okay." I smiled broadly. "Help me pick out what to wear, would you?"  
  
"I'd be happy to help!" I fell over and Keiko dropped the phone. I whirled around to see Kin floating on her oar. "I'm on a five minute break."  
  
"Five minutes?"  
  
"One of the new girls took my route so I have five minutes to rest." I grinned at her. "So, what do we have to work with?" She grabbed the nearest bag and plopped onto my bed. Keiko walked back out with the phone. "Hmm.. I like your taste."  
  
"That's because I'm the best." I said sarcastically.  
  
"Shut up." She threw the pillow at me and continued to dig through the bag. "Hm." I sweat-dropped.  
  
"Do they have the HIGHEST approval?" I muttered. She glared at me.  
  
"I heard that, just so you know."  
  
"I'm so glad." She pulled out a pair of short jean shorts and tank top. She raised an eyebrow.  
  
"These will look nice on you." She tossed them at me. "All of these clothes are really nice. I just can't really choose." Shaking my head, I picked up the untouched bag at my side.  
  
"Well, I think you'll like this." I pulled out a pair of tight black pants and a black shirt with long sleeves. It had a sort of low cut, but that didn't bother me. I watched her expression change and her eyes glittered.  
  
"I think I made my choice." She nodded and gave me a thumbs-up sign. "Have fun, you two. I think I'll get going now. See you sometime!" She made her oar appear and disappeared. I sighed. Tonight was my night to loosen up and forget all about my life in question!  
  
-  
  
We met up with Shizuru and she drove us to the new club. I was so excited. I had my hair down and my natural curls bounced whenever I moved. I had on the black outfit along with knee-high black boots that went up under the pants. I had on the clear lip-gloss and some black eye shadow.  
  
"Well, what do you think tonight will be, Shizuru?" I asked, grinning at her.  
  
"Full of fun and dancing!" She smirked. "We might even get little Yukina to loosen up." I nudged Keiko and winked. We both smiled. My communicator rang. I shushed them and flipped it open.  
  
"Uhm.. Botan?" I froze.  
  
"Reijiro?" I felt a blush creep to my cheeks when everyone looked at me, interested. "Uh, you sort of caught me at a bad time. Listen, call me tomorrow. I have to go." We said our good-byes and I hung up.  
  
"Boyfriend?" I glared at Shizuru.  
  
"Old friend who I hadn't seen in five years and ran into at the mall today." I said quickly. "Good.. looks like we're here. Come on! What are we waiting for?" I opened my door and got out. The others followed suit, Shizuru locking it and putting her keys in her purse.  
  
"Now, it's time to forget everything and have a blast!" We walked in and I winced, covering my ears against the loud music. I soon got used to it but getting to the bar was harder. Everyone continued to bump into me. I got hit and fell to the ground. I looked up to see Shizuru holding her hand out to me and smirking. I saw a guy with a large bump on his head and shook my head, smiling. I took her hand and got up.  
  
-  
  
Everyone else was out there dancing and here I was being a coward. Who was I kidding? Me? Actually having a good time? No. I couldn't. I leaned on the stall in the girls' bathroom and closed my eyes. I felt so nervous. What would happen tonight? Why did I feel so anxious? Questions swirled around in my head, making me dizzy. I put my hand to my head. Trying to forget something isn't always so easy.  
  
"Botan?" I turned my head to see Yukina's worried face. "Are you okay?"  
  
"Of course.. I was just getting some air. It's just too crowded and I don't do well in crowds." She smiled at me and nodded. I waited for her to finish in the bathroom then walked out with her. The sound blaring at me from all around gave me a headache. I smiled. "Come on. Let's go find Shizuru and Keiko." They were easy to find. Shizuru was making a scene by challenging others to a dance contest. Everyone accepted the idea, pleased that someone made the suggestion. "Well.. I guess we weren't really missed." I went over to a table, wanting to sit this competition out. I was never really into dancing and I would've felt really stupid out there without knowing a thing.  
  
"Anything wrong?" Keiko asked me, tilting her head to the side. I shook my head, smiling brightly.  
  
"I'm just not a good dancer. I think I'll sit this out." Believe it or not, in all of my years as a ferry girl, when I was around people who showed each other affection and kindness, I grew jealous. I hated the feeling. It tore me apart to know that I was hoping for something that would never happen. Without realizing it until it happened, a tear ran down my face. I quickly reached up to brush it away. Not once in my existence did I ever feel so lonely. It was a feeling that radiated through my entire being and started undoing barriers that had been built to hide those feelings that were not to be exposed. I stared down at the table, finding only that everything that was supposed to take my mind off of my feelings seemed only to heighten them and make them more unbearable. I could feel the torture that was being brought upon me for my mistake of loving that bastard of a man.  
  
-  
  
I felt a light, warm breeze blow over me, washing over me, bringing a beautiful feeling of serenity that I never thought I could have, lightening my heart with it's joyful feeling. One hand clutched my oar while the other rested on my lap.  
  
"Such peace.." I stared down into the ocean, finding my heart light and without burden. The shadowed feelings disappeared in the light of the sun. Despite what Koenma and Kurama had insisted, I had worked my way into convincing the little prince to let me work for a few hours. I drifted in the breeze like leaves drift in the water. "Peace.. Finally, I have found my peace." I closed my eyes briefly. They snapped open immediately. I turned my oar in the direction of the death that I sensed and sped off. I stopped, finding that a drunken driver had killed a young girl. I scowled darkly. How dare these people drown themselves in that stupid liquid? I've had to cart so many souls that have passed because of alcohol, killed by men and women who intoxicate themselves because they feel bad or need to loosen up.  
  
"Who are you?" The little girl asked, gazing at me, traces of tears in her eyes.  
  
"My name is Botan. I am here to guide you to Reikai, little one." I reached inside my kimono and pulled out my black book. Mika was her name. I put the check mark and crossed her name out. Then I replaced it and patted the spot next to me, smiling. She smiled back, her gloomy mood gone completely.  
  
"My name is Mika. Mommy told me not to trust or talk to strangers.. but you seem so kind."  
  
"Your mother is right, Mika. You should never trust strangers." I nodded. My mother had fed me the same line when I was little. It spared me of being abducted by people.. but I still wound up dead. I smiled at Mika. "But I can assure you that you can trust me. My mother told me not to trust strangers, either." It was so sad. This little girl didn't even understand the concept of death, nor it's meaning. She sat down next to me.  
  
"It's nice of you to offer me a ride.. but why are we going to.. Reikai?" She asked, struggling with the strange new word. I frowned slightly.  
  
"Because it is my job to take you there. Ready?" She nodded and I lifted off on my oar, speeding toward the Spirit World. I floated just inches above the white-tiled walkway. I let her get off then jumped down, making the oar disappear. "Come along. It is time that you meet someone that will put you in your correct place." She followed me, walking just behind me, smiling and having no idea what she was about to learn. "Now, Mika, please show him respect. He is a very important person who is going to help you. He helped me." I held out my hand and she grasped it firmly in her own. She was so small and innocent. I wanted to take one of those sickles and take the man's filthy soul to hell. I shook my head and smiled down at her when we got to the two large doors. I knocked then pushed them open.  
  
"Ah, you must be Mika." Her mouth twitched and a smile spread across her face as she nodded enthusiastically. "Thank you for your assistance, Botan. You've been on duty for three hours. I expect you to go back to Ningenkai now." I nodded then gently ruffled Mika's hair.  
  
"I might see you again someday and I hope I will. Good bye."  
  
"Bye!" She launched herself into my arms, hugging me. I hugged her back then gently peeled her from me and set her in the chair.  
  
"Bye, Koenma-sama." I bowed slightly in respect then left.  
  
-  
  
I brought the hot cup of coffee to my lips and drank. Mrs. Yukimura was kind enough to get me a drink when I walked into the cafe. I set the cup down, afraid that the shaking my hands seemed to be doing might spill the coffee.  
  
"Botan?" I looked up and stood up immediately. Keiko and Yuusuke smiled at me. "What are you doing in your working clothes?" Keiko crossed her arms. She had to notice my pink kimono, didn't she?  
  
"I had to work, Keiko. Sitting around and not doing something makes me.. nervous." I blushed faintly when Yuusuke looked at me, his piercing brown eyes searching my own.  
  
"I see. We'll need to fix that, won't we?" He smirked and turned around. "I need to go find the big idiot. He probably got lost two blocks back." He smiled at Keiko and I turned away, feeling like I was interrupting something. "See ya later, Botan." I stiffened until I heard the bell on the door, indicating that he had walked out.  
  
"Botan, did something happen during work today?" I sighed and sat down after she did, pulling out the chair across from me. I nodded.  
  
"You'll hear about it on the news tonight, by my guess." I said calmly, staring at her with a small frown on my face. "I needed only to ferry three." I paused, my frown deepening. "The last was the hardest to handle."  
  
"You mean the one that's going to be on the news." At my nod, she looked down at her neatly folded hands. I no longer felt remorse. At least not as much as I used to. I felt needed at work and it helped to soothe my pain when I soothed theirs. Being a complete ditz and bubbly girl was hard. Often enough, my emotions penetrated my well-built barriers. I reached down and took the spoon on the table, bringing it to the cup. I swirled it around, creating a large whirlpool in the warm drink. A whirlpool. Much like my mind lately.  
  
"I just have to feel needed somewhere. At work, I feel like I'm doing something; making a purpose for myself." I admitted slowly. "Up until Yuusuke entered my life. He made me feel needed.. Made me want to trust again. I can't help but feel grateful to him. But.." I stopped. Speaking this out loud.. it was hard. I shook my head. "But he also opened another part of me that I had locked away after those years of ferrying I had done. I had locked all emotions but happiness away, living a cheap lie like it was a coat, a shepherd in the cold harshness of life." I looked up at Keiko. "But you've heard enough about my rough life. I feel so selfish when I tell people about my feelings."  
  
"Don't worry about that, okay?" Keiko asked me, understanding shining in her eyes. "I like to listen to you. Even when you're telling me the sad story of your life, you have a poetic way of speaking. It really is nice to listen to you." I shook my head.  
  
"I feel so selfish. Please, tell me about what you have to live with. You know, your feelings." I begged, trying to banish the guilt in my mind.  
  
"Well.. I don't have to live with as much as you do, I can freely say that. But I do live with worrying about Yuusuke." She smiled slightly, a darker look coming to her eyes. "Sometimes, I wonder if Atsuko was right in saying that Yuusuke always comes back." She lifted her eyes to meet with mine. "I wonder a lot how much worry it will take until I get gray hair." I smiled.  
  
"The only time he'll stop fighting is when he's 86 years old and in a body cast." I muttered sarcastically, causing her to laugh lightly.  
  
-  
  
My mind was numb. My brain hurt. I was wide-awake, fear jumping to my mind at every second. Nightmares had been plaguing me at night and I couldn't fight them any more. I yawned, despite thinking that I was awake. The truth was, the fear was making me wide-awake. I closed my eyes, clutching the blankets closer to me, trying to get comfortable. I cursed in every language I knew and thought half-heartedly about my day at work. Partly, I was almost able to forgive Jo. If he had not done what he did, I may have never met Yuusuke or Keiko.. I may have never met Kurama or Kuwabara or Hiei or Shizuru and Yukina. Smiling slightly, I fell asleep with an image of Kurama on my mind.  
  
-  
  
That's it for chapter 6! Poor Botan. I guess she's recovering, hmm?  
  
-Jess- 


	7. Coldness

My Shining Star  
  
Still don't own.. never will.  
  
Chapter 7 * Coldness  
  
-  
  
I glanced out the window. The summer's presence was fading and it was visible and felt. The wind was blowing fiercely outside and I prepared hot soup for Keiko, who was coming home from school soon. Her parents lived in an apartment below, letting Keiko have the upper part. I heard the buzzer go off for the dryer and jumped slightly. It was lonely during the day. Keiko and the others weren't here all day. I knew Keiko liked to come home to a warm lunch since the school's lunches weren't the greatest. I got the laundry out of the dryer and folded it, placing it in the basket. I just had to do something. I couldn't just sit around and stare at a TV all day. I went back into the kitchen and turned off the stove, pouring the soup in a bowl. I looked at the clock and smiled slightly. 5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1..  
  
"I'm home!" She was always on schedule. I set the bowl on the table and set a spoon in it. I had been staying with Keiko ever since Koenma gave me that little 'vacation'. I then went over to the sink and started doing the dishes. "What's all this?"  
  
"I know that you like something warm to eat on a cold day after school." I said with a smile. She smiled back at me and sat down.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"I was bored.." I hummed a little tune as I stood there, washing dish after dish. There weren't many but I liked to do them. I turned the faucet off when I was finished and dried my hands off on a towel. "I cleaned, did laundry, cooked your soup, did the dishes, and.. went to the store with that list and money you left on the table this morning."  
  
"Thank you so much, Botan." She smiled at me. "You really don't need to do all of this." I nodded and bowed slightly, used to doing it when I worked with Koenma.  
  
"I had nothing else to do.. since I'm not allowed to go to work." I stated cheerfully. "Besides, you're letting me stay and I need to do my fill." She sighed.  
  
"There isn't any use trying to discourage you, is there?" I shook my head with a bright smile on my face. "Well, we're going to go to out for dinner with Yuusuke and the others tonight." My smile faded instantly.  
  
"I don't want to be an extra.." I looked away from her.  
  
"Yuusuke said that Kurama said that. Why don't you two go together? That way we'll have me and Yuusuke, Yukina and Kuwabara, and you and Kurama." I shook my head, a light blush on my face.  
  
"No.. I-I forgot to clean.. my room. I-I need to go back to Reikai and get more clothes, too."  
  
"You just did laundry." She said slyly. I felt my blush spread and my face grew hot. "You love Kurama." I turned around.  
  
"I don't love anyone. I can't love anyone. I'm dead!" I reasoned. But.. deep down, I knew she was right. Kurama was so kind and handsome..  
  
"You know that doesn't matter, Botan. I can see you and so can everyone else."  
  
"It isn't like that all the time, Keiko." I said, turning around to look at her. "See?" I reached out and my hand went right through her. She looked around and finally her eyes locked on me when I became visible again.  
  
"Botan.. maybe Koenma can help.. Maybe there's some way that you and Kurama.."  
  
"He probably doesn't even love me like that, Keiko!" I cried, running from the room, becoming more and more aware that Kurama probably only thought of me as an assistant to the team. The pain grew greater than the pain from Jo. I was over that part. This part was all about Kurama.  
  
"I'm sorry.." I froze and turned around. Keiko looked down at the floor. "I never should've brought it up. I should have realized that.. maybe you didn't want to go." I closed my eyes.  
  
"It isn't your fault." I said softly. "It was mine. Y-You only wanted to help.." She looked up. "Don't worry about me, okay? I'll be fine here by myself."  
  
-  
  
I greeted Yuusuke at the door and let him in. He stared at me.  
  
"Why aren't you dressed?" I looked down.  
  
"I am.."  
  
"Not for dinner." I shook my head. I had a robe on with my hair in a bun.  
  
"I'm not going. I just don't feel well." I lied, hoping he would believe me and leave it at that. "Keiko should be ready in a minute.. let me go and check on her." I left the room, hoping that she was. I knocked on her door. "Are you ready yet, Keiko? Yuusuke's here."  
  
"Will you come in here for a second?" I turned the knob and pushed open the door. Keiko was wearing a tan skirt with a white blouse. I stared at her. "How do I look?"  
  
"You look great." I said with a smile. "You two should get going.. don't want to keep Yukina and Kuwabara waiting, y'know?" She nodded and left me in the room. I sighed and closed the door behind me. They waited at the door to see me once again. "Have fun, you guys."  
  
"We'll try." Yuusuke said with a grin. He was wearing jeans and a t-shirt. But Yuusuke never was the type to dress up. I sat down on the couch and heaved a sigh, knowing I was in for a long night.  
  
-  
  
I was doing a word search.. How exciting. I had played every card game known to man.. by myself. Hey, one nice point. I always win! I sighed, letting out a low growl when the letters started to blur. I closed the book, leaving the pen in there to mark the page. I was startled when the phone started ringing. I gazed at it then slowly reached out and answered it.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Botan!" I sighed, recognizing Keiko's cheerful voice instantly. "How are you?"  
  
"Fine, why?"  
  
"Well, I just wanted to check up on you and see how you were." I folded my legs under me as I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the back of the couch.  
  
"I'm doing okay." I said reassuringly. "How are you guys? Having fun?" I heard Yuusuke's laughter in the background.  
  
"Yeah.. but I have to go before those two start fighting in here. Yuusuke stuck Kuwabara's hand in ketchup." I hung up and laughed lightly. That was Yuusuke. Whenever he went anywhere with Kuwabara, he would play some sort of prank.. of course, Kuwabara wasn't exactly innocent either. I stood up and stretched, walking out into the kitchen.  
  
"Ouch!" I hit my knee off the coffee table and scowled. "Stupid.." I looked down and inspected it. Only a small scratch. Sighing, I walked out into the kitchen and wet a paper towel and wiped it off then dried it and put a band-aid over it. I had a nightshirt on. It went to just above my knee. I frowned darkly and poured myself a cup off coffee. When I was through with the milk and sugar, I went back into the living room and sat down. Someone knocked on the door and I cursed. Without even thinking, I went and answered it. Kurama stood there, a small frown on his face. I stared at him and raised an eyebrow. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"Hello to you, too." He said softly. "May I come in?" I nodded then realized what I was in. It seemed that he noticed too. I was rooted to the spot.. staring at him, wide-eyed. He raised an eyebrow. "What happened?"  
  
"H-huh?" He pointed to the injury that I gave myself. "O-oh! It's just a cut." I blushed furiously when he walked past me and closed the door. Just then I noticed that he wasn't being himself. "What happened? Are you okay?" He turned his gaze to me and nodded.  
  
"I merely needed to get away from my family." He said with that same frown. I was too concerned to mind my own business.  
  
"Did you get in a fight..?"  
  
"No." He stared at the floor. "I left before that would happen. I had no where else to go. You don't mind, do you?" I was silent for second, just staring at him before I realized that maybe I should answer before he took my silence as a no.  
  
"Of course I don't. Uhm.. let me get decent." I walked into my bedroom, leaning against the door after it closed. Thoughts were running through my head so fast that I wasn't able to tell what they were about. I pulled on a pair of pajama pants and walked back out. He was sitting on the couch, staring down at the word find. I blinked. Then I leaned over his shoulder. I was so close that I could smell him.. He smelled like roses.. "I couldn't tell which letter was which."  
  
"Why? Need glasses?" I wrinkled my nose and shook my head.  
  
"I was staring at it for so long that they started to blur together." I said, sweat-dropping. He smiled slightly then looked back down at it. Then he noticed something interesting.. obviously. He leaned forward to inspect it. I watched as he picked up my notebook and flipped through my drawings. "I was doodling.." He got to the one where I drew him holding his rose whip with roses surrounding him.  
  
"Very artistic." He commented. I blushed and looked away when he looked at me. "Creative, too." He was picking on me, wasn't he? I felt my face grow warmer and I smiled brightly, trying to hide my blush. I went out into the kitchen.  
  
"Ohhh!" I growled. Where had I put my coffee..? I turned around and walked back out. I smiled in delight at seeing it on the coffee table. I picked it up and took a sip, savoring the warm taste. "Want some coffee?" I looked at him over the cup. He smiled and stood up.  
  
"I'll get it myself. There is no need for you to get it." I nodded to him and watched him enter the kitchen. I wonder what he was thinking. I continued to sip, watching him when he sat down. I set my cup down and waited patiently for him to do the same. I felt bold right then.  
  
"Why did you really come here, Kurama?" I asked, frowning. "You usually go to see Hiei." He looked at me. I almost felt as though that was a slap in the face.  
  
"Well, Hiei.. he likes to have time to himself.."  
  
"He went to watch Kuwabara and Yukina, didn't he?" Kurama sighed and nodded. "But why here? You could have went anywhere."  
  
"Well.. I.." He looked like he was having a hard time. I sighed.  
  
"You don't need to tell me. I was just curious." I looked away, finding the floor an interesting thing to look at. I could feel his gaze on me. I closed my eyes and turned my head, facing away from him.  
  
"Botan.." I turned to look at him, trying to hide all emotion. I don't think it worked. "Did I.. say something wrong?" I shook my head.  
  
"No." I said hurriedly. Perhaps a little too quickly. "I guess I'm just a little.. nervous being here on Ningenkai and now with you.."  
  
"I'm making you uncomfortable, aren't I?" I shook my head.  
  
"No, it isn't that. I'm just not used to this." I pointed to myself. "Human form." He stared at me with a mournful look. "I've been a ferry girl for over five years now. It isn't a big deal." I got up and walked over to the window. "I never thought there was life or love after death. I thought there was nothing." I paused. "I was wrong." I knew now that I accepted the fact that I was in love with him.  
  
"I don't have any idea what to say to that. But I do know that the living can love the dead. As long as they realize that is no real future for them." He whispered. I could feel his body against mine, just realizing that he had gotten up to look out the window.  
  
"But such rules as there are in Reikai.." I couldn't find my voice. "Being death, I can love no one."  
  
"Everyone has the right to love, Botan." He set his hand on my shoulder and I stiffened. "If you still feel emotion, then you can love."  
  
"Even Hiei loves someone." I said with a smile. "And I always thought he was nothing but an emotionless spirit, doomed to be alone all his life.." And here I was, describing myself with that sentence.  
  
"No one is doomed to be alone."  
  
"I am." I stood up. Coldness stabbed at my heart; threatened to take away everything that I held dear.  
  
-  
  
This is it for chapter 7. Aww.. Botan knows she loves him but she doesn't think that she's supposed to!  
  
-Jess- 


	8. Dreams Can Come True

My Shining Star  
  
Nope. Never will own.  
  
Chapter 8 - Dreams Can Come True  
  
-  
  
I was chasing the wind. Pointless. Stupid. But most of all, cold. The wind will always be invisible, untouchable, and not understood. I was describing my love for Kurama, of course. Two weeks ago, I had a conversation with him that I wasn't likely to forget any time soon.  
  
"No one is doomed to be alone." He had said.  
  
"I am." I answered.  
  
And for once, I may have been right. He had left after that. I would find no comfort in the living or the dead. I would find only comfort in my dreams.  
  
Dreams. What is a dream? Is it something that sends you a message? Or maybe it's something that just is? My definition of a dream.. I think a dream is what you believe you want. It is exactly what you think about during every second of every minute. That was all my love was. Just a dream. Only a dream. Meaning nothing, yet at the same time, meaning everything. A dream is exactly what it is. Not real. A dream. A fantasy. A trick of the mind.  
  
"Botan?" I pulled the blanket over my head. "I'm leaving now. You told me to wake you."  
  
"I've been awake, Keiko. Thanks anyway." I sat up, looking at her from the bed. She nodded and smiled at me, waving as she turned around. I heard the door slam shut. I got up and got dressed, preparing myself for the routine day of crossword puzzles and chores. I don't think the house could get cleaner but it was something to do to keep my mind off of Kurama and on something to make sure it stayed that way and didn't linger. I walked out into the kitchen to see that Keiko had done the dishes. I sighed. Maybe I was only running away from my problems this way. I wasn't going to get rid of my feelings for Kurama. I couldn't just bury them in the deepest, darkest corner of my mind and believe that they'd just disappear. I realized that things just didn't work that way. The way things worked had to be much harder than that. "Of course.." I muttered to myself.  
  
-  
  
I sighed. The day was flying by so fast.. Yeah right. The park was empty during the day. Very empty. I passed a person and nodded to them in greeting. They smiled and nodded back. I glanced at the sky, my concentration on the fluffy white clouds that blotted out the sun. I walked by a rose bush. The sweet aroma lulled me into a dream state. Hey, if I couldn't have him, I could dream, right?  
  
"Botan!" I stopped, my breath caught in my throat. I was afraid to turn around. "Wait!" Kurama.. I bit my lip and winced.  
  
"Hello, Kurama." I said with a smile, turning my head to gaze at him. "How are you?"  
  
"Fine." He responded with a smile. "And how are you?"  
  
"Okay." I said, turning away from him to hide the blush that spread along my face. "Why are you.. out of school so early?"  
  
"Teacher's Inservice." I nodded. "Why are you out of the shelter?" I looked at him, giving him a blank stare. "You know what I mean. You never leave Keiko's apartment. Why are you walking at the park, of all places?"  
  
"Well.. I thought that maybe an apartment can get way too clean. I mean, I had nothing better to do." I coughed.  
  
"Want to go and get a cup of coffee?" I felt my heart begin to race. Why did he want my company, of all people's? I could feel the nervousness well up inside of me and the memory of that night when he had visited me flashed in my mind. I shook my head to clear my thoughts and looked at him.  
  
"I'd love to." He smiled and turned around. I looked around at the roses. To me, they seemed really sick-looking compared to the ones he had.  
  
"You really confuse me sometimes, Botan." I stared at him. I wanted to stare at him all day long.. I could, in fact. He had the most gorgeous green eyes I had ever seen. He smiled and poked me to bring me out of my daydream. "Where shall we go? Public place or my house or if you want to go back home.."  
  
"You can choose." I smiled at him when he grinned.  
  
"How about my place?" I blushed, nodding. "Fine then. My place for coffee it is."  
  
-  
  
I sipped my coffee and stared into it as I put it down, pretending to be interested in the ripples. I could feel him looking at me. What was it about him that just made me so attracted to him?  
  
"You okay?" He's so caring. I smiled up at him and nodded. Then I sneezed. Blushing, I sniffled and chewed on my lip. "Are you sure?"  
  
"Kurama, I'm fine.. Its probably just a cold." I responded reassuringly. He gave me a smile and I was just happy that I was sitting down.. or else I'd be so embarrassed from falling down.  
  
"I'll be right back." He said softly. I nodded, watching as he left the room. What was I going to do? This was silly and pointless. I could never be with him and I was hurting myself more. I jumped slightly when he set a box of tissues in front of me. "For you."  
  
"You're so kind." I let a sarcastic tone slip into my voice as I stared at the box. "So.."  
  
"Botan, I was hoping I could talk to you seriously. It's sort of about our conversation the other night.." I felt like the wind was forced from my lungs.  
  
"W-What about it?" I asked nervously. I suddenly couldn't breathe. He looked up at me. I could swear I saw sadness in his eyes.  
  
"I would give anything to help you love again." My eyes widened. He stood up and walked over to stand in front of me. Then he stared at me. He had a serious look on his face.  
  
"Kurama.." I looked down, closing my eyes. "Why do you want..?" He didn't answer. "Why?" I asked again.  
  
"Because I can't stand to see you like this." He gently took my chin in his hand and made me look at him. "We should talk about.. well.. about us."  
  
"Kurama, there can be no us.."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I.. I'm.." He placed a finger on my lips. I was never more upset. It was so hard trying to tell him that I couldn't love him even though I really did.  
  
"I know, Botan. Please, can we try it out? You never know until you try." He looked almost pleadingly at me.  
  
"A-Are you saying..?" He nodded. My eyes widened and my heart started racing. I couldn't look at him, but I couldn't look away. The look in those emerald eyes almost made me cry.. well.. I did cry. I threw my arms around his neck and cried. He helped me stand and we went to sit on the couch. I let it all out. My pain, my frustration, my anger, and my happiness in one rush of tears. "Kurama.." I looked up at him finally, withdrawing myself from his chest as I wiped at my tears. A small smile rested on my face. "I want to try. I can't promise you that it will work."  
  
"I know, Botan." He said gently. He reached into his shining red locks and pulled out a rose. It was the best gift I had ever received. I traced the silky petals with my finger. "Shall I walk you to Keiko's? She should be getting home soon." I blinked in startled recognition.  
  
"Would you?" He smiled and nodded. I stood up and he wrapped his black coat around my shoulders.  
  
"Don't want you getting sick." I blushed slightly and watched as he put on his brown coat and opened the door for me. I clutched the rose tightly in my grasp and walked out in front of him.  
  
-  
  
I stood at the door and took out my keys. I invited him in, of course. With a smile and a soft shake of his head that sent his red locks over his shoulders, he politely declined.  
  
"I will see you tomorrow." I nodded.  
  
"Okay." I watched happily as he walked away. With a blissful sigh, I turned the doorknob and went inside. I went to my room immediately and laid the flower gently on my pillow and took the black coat off. I felt sort of afraid of the other's reactions. Would they laugh at us? I shook my head. They wouldn't be that cruel.. right?  
  
"I'm home!" I heard the door slam shut and heard a light knock on my door. I opened it. She smiled at me then peeked over my shoulder. "Say, where'd you get the rose?"  
  
"I.. uh.." I bit down hard on my lip and took a deep breath. "I ran into Kurama at the park today."  
  
"And?"  
  
"He asked me out for some coffee."  
  
"And?"  
  
"Nothing happened." I said with a wistful smile that would fool even her. "Come on, Keiko. I told you before about this." She frowned at me and gave me a sympathetic look. "No need to worry about me, though! How was Yuu-kun today?"  
  
"Surprisingly, he only fell asleep in one class." She smirked. "I bribed him, of course. He lost. But he'll try again tomorrow."  
  
"What was the bribe?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"I would give him a kiss ONLY if he survived the day without falling asleep in a single class. I also promised him a kiss for each time he passes a test."  
  
"You sly one, you." I grinned. "And here I was thinking that Yuusuke was sly."  
  
"Not nearly as much as me. Anyway, I'm cooking dinner tonight so you can just relax and do whatever you want." I nodded, a cheerful smile on my face.  
  
-  
  
I sighed. Bliss. I stared off into space, imagining what it would be like if the relationship actually worked. I did have a human form.. I could touch and feel things with it. Emotions crowded over my entire being and when he had held me, I had felt things that I never thought I could ever feel.. not even when I was alive and with Jo.  
  
"Botan, do you realize you've been staring off into space for three hours?" Keiko's voice seemed faraway to me and I had no clue why. I was still caught up in my daydream.  
  
"Huh? Oh.. n-no." I answered sheepishly. Suddenly, my communicator went off. I got up and went to my room to answer it, making sure to close the door behind me. I picked it up and flipped it open.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Botan, can I meet you in an hour?"  
  
"Kurama?"  
  
"Yes." He replied in a rush. I felt worry dawn on me. "Meet me here, at my house. I'll be waiting outside."  
  
"Right." I heard a click on the other end of the line. What was going on? I looked absently at the rose on my night stand and the black coat.. I slipped into a pair of jeans and a blouse, buttoning the buttons in the front hurriedly. I glanced in the mirror and realized that my hair just wouldn't do. I didn't have too much free time on my hands so I just re-brushed it and put it into a neat ponytail. I grabbed the coat and my communicator, slipping the compact into my purse. I walked out and Keiko raised a brow.  
  
"Where are you going?"  
  
"For a ride." I gave her a small, forced smile and walked calmly out of the apartment. Then I raced down the hall until I got to the roof. I made sure no one would see me and summoned my oar. I sped off, gliding quickly in the clouds. "Kurama.." I landed in an alleyway close to his house and ran out, looking down the street. I knew there was a lot of time left so I could walk. I walked slowly, taking my time. My thoughts were jumbled and confusing. The more I thought, the more confused I became. I hope there was nothing wrong.  
  
"Botan." I stopped, frozen in place. I looked up to see him sitting on his front lawn. No one else was in sight. He smiled at me and stood up, brushing himself off.  
  
"I got here as fast as I could.. did something happen?"  
  
"Yes." He said with a smile. My heart began to race and I could tell that I was blushing. "My okaasan apparently saw us walking. She wishes to meet you." My throat was dry and I had to force myself into reason.  
  
"I.. I didn't tell Keiko about us, though. She asked me what had happened and I told her we had coffee but not that we're a.." He shook his head, the smile never leaving his face.  
  
"No need to worry. They'll find out when they find out. Right now, though, I could not seem to discourage her from her course of curiosity." Now I know why Kurama was always seeking answers. Despite that he may have been cold to his mother as a boy, he had picked up on some things.  
  
"I don't mind her knowing. But I was thinking of the gang's reaction." I stated, frowning. "What will they say?"  
  
"I have no clue." He was starting to sound like Yuusuke. Shaking my head, I smiled and started to take the coat from my shoulders when I felt his hand on my arm. He shook his head. "Keep it." I blushed and nodded, grateful. It was a little cold out. "Come on, I doubt mother wishes to wait any longer." I grabbed his larger hand in my own, stopping him. Then I pulled it free and slapped his arm.  
  
"And here you are, worrying me like that."  
  
"I had to make it brief. Otousan was going to call from work." I glared at him. "Okay, I'm sorry for nearly giving you a heart-attack." I slapped his arm and rolled my eyes.  
  
"You sounded so sincere." He chuckled and grabbed my hand, making me blush deeper.  
  
"You confuse me sometimes, Botan."  
  
"And you're just an unfinished puzzle that has a missing piece." I stated with a smile. My heart was pounding so fast. What was it about him that was making me feel this way? Perhaps I had found who I really belong with.. I hope so. He made me feel so complete. When I was around him, I felt like all of my past was nothing. In fact, I forgot about my past completely.  
  
"Okaasan!" As soon as he called out, a middle-aged woman came out, smiling brightly. I bit my lip nervously. She was a very pretty woman. She had black hair that was swept back from her face and chestnut brown eyes with a warm smile.  
  
"Well, you must be Botan! My, what a beautiful girl you are." I blushed furiously and she laughed. I felt Kurama grip my hand tighter. His brother came into the room.. or at least it looked like his little brother. He raised a brow. I could tell that he was at least a few years younger than my Kurama. My eyes widened slightly. Where did that come from!?  
  
"Yes, it's nice to finally meet you, Minamino-san."  
  
"Please, call me Shiori." I smiled, trying to let all of my troubles ease to the back of my mind. "Come, why don't you sit down so that we can get to know each other a little." Kurama tensed. I could tell.  
  
"Suuichi, would you please be a gentleman.." Her smile suddenly widened. "You are such a little gentleman!" I guess she noticed his coat on my shoulders.  
  
"Okaasan.." He sighed and removed the coat from my shoulders and took my purse, setting it with the coat. He guided me to the couch by my shoulders and I sat down, with him next to me.  
  
"Why don't you tell me how you two met?" My breath caught in my throat. I couldn't tell her that I met him when he was in Reikai prison..  
  
"We.. Well.." I swallowed. "Yuusuke is my friend and when he met Ku.. Suuichi, I was with him. We were introduced and then we became friends."  
  
"Yes." He smiled at me. Shiori leaned across the small coffee table from the couch and patted my hands, which were folded on my lap.  
  
"No need to be nervous, sweety. Just be yourself."  
  
"Oh.. this is just the first time I've ever met.." I stopped, trying to keep my tears at bay. There was my damn past coming back! I shook my head. "I-I know. I've been shy all my life."  
  
"Well, don't worry about me." She said with a kind smile. "You remind me of myself when I was younger."  
  
"Really?" I took a quick glance at Kurama. His eyes were calm and blank, like usual. I bit my lip.  
  
"Oh heavens, yes!" I could tell she was a kind woman and now I knew why Kurama became attached to her without knowing so. I subconsciously leaned closer to him. I could feel him stiffen momentarily. What was the matter with him? Shiori stood up. "I need to go and check on the laundry. I'll be right back." When she left the room, I looked over at him in concern.  
  
"What is the matter with you?" I asked, a little frightened of his odd behavior. He glanced at me then at the door.  
  
"Nothing." He answered in an even tone. He stared at me. I stared back in concern. He sighed and leaned his head on my shoulder, his arm going around my waist. "I just feel a little strange. This is the first time I've ever brought a girl to meet the family."  
  
"Don't worry." I said in a light tone, leaning my head on his. "There isn't anything she could say that would embarrass you in front of me."  
  
"That's what you think."  
  
"Be nice." I said, laughing at him as I felt him pull me closer. "I know all about mothers and baby pictures." His face went as red as his hair. "I'll try my hardest not to laugh at you too much, okay?"  
  
"Thanks a lot for your support." He mumbled, his voice dripping with sarcasm.  
  
"I try." I literally had to bite my lip to keep from laughing.  
  
-  
  
"It was really nice meeting you, Shiori! And you too, Kenji!" I said as I waved, walking down the street with Kurama beside me. "That wasn't so bad, now, was it?"  
  
"I might die from emotional stress." He breathed a heavy sigh of relief. I intertwined his fingers with mine, smiling.  
  
"Don't die on me. I don't want to cart you.." He gave me a comforting look.  
  
"Don't worry. I won't die for a long time." I smiled.  
  
"What if the others are there? I mean, should we tell them or should you just leave before we even reach there?"  
  
"I think now would be a good time to tell them.. I mean-" He was cut off by the ringing of my communicator. I dug it out of my purse and flipped it open.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Botan!" It was Yuusuke's voice. "We're all here at Keiko's! She called you at least five times before she called us! Where are you?"  
  
"Well.. I.." I hesitated. "I'm on my way there, why?"  
  
"That was an awfully long ride, don't you think?"  
  
"Look, I'll talk to you when I get there." I hung up, scared to think of what would happen when we told them. "Do you think Hiei is there, too?"  
  
"They probably dragged him there, threatening him and making him use the Jagan. I had my mental barriers up."  
  
"I.." Biting my lip, I looked down. "I don't think I did."  
  
"It's fine. I'm sure he wouldn't tell them. He'd probably want an explanation first, anyway." I frowned. My mind was so jumbled that he might not have been able to read it.  
  
-  
  
That's all for this chapter! A nice long one for ya!  
  
-Jess- 


	9. A Special Birthday

**My Shining Star**  
  
I own.. NADA!  
  
Chapter 9 - A Special Birthday

-

I hesitated at the door. Kurama opened it for me and gave me a gentle and encouraging push through the door. Everyone looked up and stared, raising an eyebrow. I felt a knot in my stomach and a lump in my throat. How would they react? Hiei just glanced at me once then stared at Kurama, looking like he was actually talking to him by staring. Yuusuke gave me a concerned look, along with Keiko, who looked pale and worried sick. Kuwabara and Yukina just looked at us blankly. For a moment, I felt like I was completely helpless. I felt Kurama's hand on the small of my back. I took a deep breath.  
  
"Fine, so I didn't go for a ride, okay?" I felt bold right then. They stared. I wanted to bolt but Kurama still had his hand on my back. I knew that if I didn't say something soon, he was going to. "I.." What was so hard about this? It's only a few words.. "I went to Kurama's and met his family." There were raised brows all around. Keiko brightened and ran over, hugging Kurama and me.  
  
"I think I know what this was all about. The next time you do this, call?" I blushed and nodded. The others looked at Keiko then smiled. Kuwabara laughed. I felt like hitting him with my oar.  
  
"Well, 'bout time Kurama picked up a girl!" I looked back at Kurama. Yuusuke hit Kuwabara over the head.  
  
"You don't need to laugh." He said in a light tone. "Dork." Hiei smirked. I watched all of this with an incredulous look on my face. I twitched. Yuusuke ruffled my hair then gave Kurama a light punch on the shoulder. "You take good care of her, do you hear me, fox boy?"  
  
"You needn't tell me to, Yuusuke. I will take care of her." I blushed. This was.. a little embarrassing. But I would endure it for the happiness to come.

-

I laid in my bed that night. Something kept me from sleeping. I could sense death. The wind practically screamed that someone died. I sat up and went to the window. I stared out. Kin stopped by on her way back with the soul of the woman on her oar.  
  
"Why, if it isn't my good friend." She said cheerfully. I smiled then looked at the lovely woman perched on the oar behind her.  
  
"Hello." She looked important and she had that regal look to her. She looked at me, stone-faced. I knew that look sometimes concealed an unending amount of grief.  
  
"You sensed it, did you?" Kin asked, a frown on her face. I nodded.  
  
"I'm not cut off from Reikai, Kin. I can still sense death. How many are there? Just because I can sense it, doesn't mean I can count the flows."  
  
"Well, at least five ferry girls left at the same time I did."  
  
"Oh." I sighed. "I knew something kept me awake."  
  
"How did things work out? I haven't seen you in a while."  
  
"Well, Kurama.. never mind. I'll tell you later. Perhaps I'll come and visit tomorrow."  
  
"Okay!" Kin waved then sped away. I heaved another sigh. Death was something that I handled for a few years now. I know the hardships. I was alive once. Somehow, I forgot the feeling of being alive.  
  
"Botan!" My heart nearly stopped.. Okay, to rephrase that in its proper meaning, I was shocked to hear the voice and see its owner. Reijiro waved to me and I knew I should talk to him. "How are you feeling?"  
  
"Fine, I suppose." I said with forced cheerfulness. My mind was fogged with depression and I needed to visit my friends. I needed to visit Kurama and see him. He would get this gloomy feeling from my mind. "How are you?"  
  
"Wonderful." He began to walk beside me. "Where are you heading?"  
  
"To.." I didn't know how to respond. Luckily, Kurama basically answered it for me.  
  
"Botan!" I whirled around, a smile on my face. I ran to him, flinging my arms around him. He held me with all the tenderness in the world. I nearly cried from the wonderful feeling.  
  
"Kurama-kun!" I looked up at him, blushing lightly when he smiled. His emerald eyes glittered. "I thought you might be home."  
  
"On a pretty day like this? Hah! Hiei wouldn't leave me alone until I took him for a walk." I grinned and looked around.  
  
"Where is he?"  
  
"Back there." He answered. "Got hung up by a 'weird feeling'." Someone cleared their throat behind us and I seperated myself from Kurama. I looked back at Reijiro sheepishly.  
  
"Sorry about that, Rei-kun." I grabbed Kurama's white t-shirt and jerked him forward. "This is a very good friend of mine, Shuuichi, or some of us good friends call him Kurama."  
  
"Hello, Shuuichi." Reijiro offered a smile to him. I looked at Kurama.  
  
"Kura-chan, this is Rei-kun.. or Reijiro. We knew each other back in school." My voice grew distant. I felt a hand under my chin and looked up to see Kurama staring at me with a frown on his handsome face.  
  
"None of this. What did I say yesterday? Did it go in one ear and out the other? I was serious. I don't want you upset about something that will not happen while I'm around." I nodded.  
  
"I know.. I was just thinking." I gave him a small smile.  
  
"Are you sure you can do that? You might hurt yourself." I stiffened and looked up into the tree.  
  
"Come down here and say that to my face, Hiei!" He was a black blur and before I knew it, he was standing in between Kurama and I, his face close to mine. Before he could say anything, I enveloped him in a hug. He stiffened and I saw Kurama trying not to laugh. Hiei pushed me away with a growl.  
  
"Don't EVER do that again." I grinned at him.  
  
"Why not? Poor little Hiei can't handle something nice?" He growled and narrowed his eyes at me. I moved closer to Kurama while seeing Reijiro raise a brow. "I'm just teasing, Hiei."  
  
"Why am I stuck with the idiots?" He asked Kurama. I glared at him. He left and I looked at the two people left.  
  
"How about we all go somewhere where we can talk?"  
  
-  
  
"They said you died, Botan." I bit my lip when Reijiro brought this up. Kurama looked over at me.  
  
"I did." I said softly. "I can't explain it to you. I know I should have listened to you and spared myself a lot of pain. But, I've let the past go. It wasn't easy to accept." Kurama's arm wrapped around my waist and I closed my eyes. "Some things are just meant to be. I was meant to live through this."  
  
"But.." I shook my head.  
  
"Let it go."  
  
"I can't, Botan." Reijiro stared at me. "How could I let it go when I loved you? I still do. That day brought so many pains." I stared at him.  
  
"We can't be together, Reijiro." I stood up and pulled away from Kurama's grasp. "I'm sorry but I can't return your feelings now. You were my best friend. You're just a friend and that's all you can ever be." I ran. Why was everything out to get me? Why did everything hurt so much? I wasn't surprised when I heard someone call to me. People turned to stare but I ignored it. Someone caught me around the waist and stopped me, pulling me to their chest. The soft scent of roses filled my senses. "Kurama.."  
  
"Botan!?" I stiffened. I knew that voice.. I turned my head and looked at the one person I didn't wish to run into in public.  
  
"Mother.." Kurama seemed to understand and pulled away from me, grabbing both my mother's wrists and mine and walking quickly away from the scene. I turned and saw Reijiro stare after us. He had an understanding look in his eyes. I gave him a weak smile then turned and watched as my mother took the lead.  
  
-  
  
We arrived at a place I longed to see ever since that day. My home. The place I grew up in. I hardly noticed anything else but the small house as I touched the railing to the steps. I walked up and stared at the door in front of me.  
  
"Five years.."  
  
"I know." I whispered. My mother opened the door and we walked in. I could feel his arm go around my waist and I tried to draw comfort from him. "All these years.."  
  
"You.. look the same." She turned to us and I couldn't resist it any longer. I ran to her and put my arms around her, crying into her shoulder.  
  
"I missed you.. I was so foolish.. to do something like that when I knew something was wrong!" I could feel her stroking my hair. "I made a mistake and I caused you so much pain.."  
  
"Me? Look at you, Botan-chan. You're a mess." She held me like she used to.. five years ago. "Now, why don't we calm down and settle this without so many tears? You've yet to tell me who this handsome young man is." She gently took my shoulders and pushed me back, holding me at arm's length. That was my mother.. she was always trying to solve problems without pain. Well, I'm afraid this story has many more chapters of pain to go, not to mention the chapters in it now.. So much pain.  
  
"I-"  
  
"Now, go sit down while I get tea." I nodded, tears continuing to flow down my face. I felt him take my hand and lead me, pulling me down beside him.  
  
"I can see where you get those lovely eyes, Botan." I looked up at him to see a tenderness in those emerald eyes that I've never seen before. He brought up one hand, the one that wasn't holding my own, and wiped my tears away. "Now, why cry? This is a reunion with the person who raised you. No pain."  
  
"It isn't like that, Kurama." I said softly, more tears gliding down my cheeks. "I'm not alive anymore.. I can't come home everyday.."  
  
"Who says you can't? Did she? I'm certain that if you asked, you could stay here and it would seem like old times. Keiko will understand." He gave me one of those heart-throbbing smiles and I leaned my head on his shoulder.  
  
"I just.. Things will never be the same again, y'know? I'll never have that back."  
  
"You don't need to have it back." I looked up at him in confusion. "You can begin a new life. That is what Koenma told you about it, right?"  
  
"I suppose."  
  
"Then there's no reason to be upset. Koenma never told you that you couldn't visit your mother, now, did he?" I shook my head.  
  
"Botan-chan! Help me out here for a second?" I got up and went to the kitchen. "Here, you can carry the tray and I'll get these." I nodded, a soft smile working its way to my face. How could she act as though nothing changed? She can because she's my mother. When we got back out into the living room, she sat across from us, just as Shiori-san had. I didn't feel a bit nervous, though I probably should have. With my mother.. she was the most unpredictable woman I've ever met. "Now, introduce me to this gentleman."  
  
"Oh.. right." I smiled. "This is.." How should I say it? "This is my.. my boyfriend, Kurama. Well.. his name is Shuuichi Minamino.. but we all call him Kurama. And Kurama, this is my mother, Jun."  
  
"Pleased to finally meet you, Jun-san." She nodded and smiled.  
  
"The pleasure is all mine." She looked at me and, for an instant, her one glance told me of the countless times she'd cried at my grave. "Now, Botan, I want to know how you're holding up."  
  
"F-Fine.."  
  
"The truth, please." I smiled faintly once more. There was no fooling her.  
  
"I have been hurting, mom. The truth is, the worst of it is yet to come." Kurama seemed genially surprised by my comment. "I've taken on a job. But you have to promise me that once I tell you, you will keep it a secret."  
  
"Who will I have to tell, dear? My friends all know that you're dead and if I start saying that I was talking to you, they'd put me in a mental institution." She gave me a small nod to know that I could talk. I told her everything. And when I say everything, I mean everything. All about Kurama.. Hiei.. Yuusuke and Keiko and Kuwabara.. "It sounds lovely. Now, I know it has been five years since you passed away but I think.. I know I want to get involved in your life again."  
  
"Mom.." I smiled and nodded. "There would be nothing better.."  
  
-  
  
"So, who's coming to Yuusuke's birthday party!?" Keiko asked merrily, smiling. We were all at the ramen shop. The place wasn't as packed as normal.  
  
"I am! Oh, Yuusuke-kun, I know just what to get you!" I gushed, grinning and knowing he hated me at every moment that I said it. Kuwabara cracked up laughing. It was time to get them both back. "Now, if I am not mistaken, you, Kazuma Kuwabara have a birthday also coming up?" He stopped laughing and his eyes widened.  
  
"N-No, of course not!" Shizuru chuckled.  
  
"Yeah, right, baby bro. No use lying, she knows." I grinned and nodded. Then I shot a look at my demon friend beside me.  
  
"And you.." I crossed my arms and frowned.  
  
"Ooh! Fill us in, what did he do!?" Kuwabara grinned. "Did he get in loads of trouble?"  
  
"No." I closed my eyes and heard Kuwabara fall over. "He just wouldn't tell me why he was dragging me here."  
  
"He had to drag you?" I looked over at Keiko then nodded.  
  
"He wouldn't even tell me where we were going, who were seeing, or what it was about!" I scowled. "So, where are we having our little Yuu-kun's birthday party?"  
  
"We're having it at Genkai's. The old hag told us we could have the temple whenever we wanted." Of course, Yuusuke had to be blunt.  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Mm-hmm." Yuusuke nodded.  
  
"Be there at two or somewhere around there." I nodded then looked at my watch.  
  
"Oh! I have to go. See ya later!" I ran out of there as quickly as I could. Mother was hoping to meet me at the mall and help me shop for Yuusuke. I ran into an old alley and hopped on my oar. Then I sped off as quickly as I could, hoping to get there before her so she wasn't waiting.  
  
-  
  
I stared at the wrapped package on my bed. Would he like it?  
  
"Knowing Yuusuke.." I murmured. I had gotten him some clothes. Keiko made the suggestion. I picked out a dark green shirt and the same color light sweats that tied in the front. He would probably use it to train in because it would be easy to move in. I mean, Yuusuke was the one to change my life.. but if I got him anything that didn't radiate 'punk' then he would strangle me. But I had a long card as the second part of the gift. He was able to make me trust again. He was the one who helped me without knowing it. He cared.  
  
"Botan?" I looked up to see mom standing in my doorway, a smile on her face. "Honey, I'm sure he'll like it. Shouldn't you be sleeping? Isn't tomorrow the big day?" I nodded and she came in, sitting down next to me and stroking my hair like she used to. "You even let me read the card that you made for him. I know he'll like it, though I haven't met him. He'd have to be crazy not to." I smiled.  
  
"Knowing Yuusuke-kun, he'll put up a big front and say that I'm only teasing.. but I suppose he might take it to heart." She smiled.  
  
"If he doesn't, he needs a good whack on the head."  
  
"Come now, mother! If anyone gave him another one of those, we may not have a Yuusuke to pick on!" She laughed and gave me a pat on the back.  
  
"I'll see you in the morning, okay?"  
  
"All right." She left the room. Somehow, this felt like old times. Except, I wasn't exactly alone like I was before.. sort of. I had people that I knew cared enough to save my life. I rested my head in my arms and yawned, closing my eyes. I wish.. I could just repay them somehow..  
  
-  
  
I woke up to someone shaking me. I opened my eyes and saw my mother's grinning face.  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"Guess who's here!"  
  
".." I didn't feel like playing these games right now.. Shouldn't she be doing crossword puzzles or something? Two people walked in and I stared at one of them, completely and utterly surprised. "Did he drag you?" Kurama sweat-dropped and Hiei let out chuckle.  
  
"No, actually." My favorite little koorime looked so huggable.. I stood up and moved at the speed of light, catching everyone off-guard. I grabbed Hiei in a life-threatening embrace, grinning.  
  
"You mean, you actually WANTED to come and see me!?" Kurama was doubled over in laughter and mother was taking pictures.. Hiei somehow pulled out from my hug and frowned.  
  
"Not anymore!"  
  
"Hiei!" I latched onto his arm and looked at him with watery eyes. "Y-You wouldn't want me to.. to cry.. now.. would you?" His right eye twitched and he pulled his arm from me.  
  
"Enough of picking on me for two centuries. Go and squeeze the life out of your fox." I frowned.  
  
"I'm still upset at him."  
  
"Hunh?" Hiei blinked at me, his expression changing to one of complete and utter surprise.  
  
"I was kidding, my friend." I gave him a pat on the back and went over to the bed, picking up the gift. "Anyway, who's all there?"  
  
"Yuusuke is currently MIA." Kurama replied. I raised a brow.  
  
"He ran away this morning. Obviously enough, his girlfriend was quick to follow." Hiei muttered, as if disgusted.  
  
"Hm." I shrugged and grabbed Kurama's arm. "Shall we, then?" I stopped and looked at mom. "Do you wanna come? That way you can meet the whole gang!"  
  
"Sure!"  
  
-  
  
When we arrived at the top of the stairs, I sweat-dropped.  
  
"They went all out, huh?" Banners with Happy Birthday Yuusuke.. balloons.. a cake with candles..  
  
"I guess so." Kurama responded from beside me. Yukina looked over and smiled.  
  
"Hello." She waved us over. "I'm so glad to see that you made it. Did you happen to see Yuusuke or Keiko on your way here?"  
  
"No, sorry." I shook my head. "Keiko will get him, though. No doubt about it."  
  
"The gifts go on that table over there." She smiled and pointed us in the right direction. I elbowed Hiei when we walked away.  
  
"You know you should tell her." He scowled at me.  
  
"Leave it alone."  
  
"That should be her birthday gift. She's been looking for you for a long time now, Hiei. You could at least.."  
  
"Hn." I grabbed his shirt and pulled him close to my face.  
  
"Don't 'hn' me."  
  
"Hn." I rolled my eyes and shoved him away. Mother only raised a brow at our interaction and I just shook my head. Yuusuke ran at us and hid behind Kurama, begging him not to tell Keiko that he was hiding there.  
  
"But, Yuusuke, she will eventually see you.. I mean, it is your birthday." Yuusuke came out from hiding. He looked miserable.  
  
"Come on, cheer up, Yuusuke. I mean, look at all these gifts." He looked at them then at me then his gaze went to mother. I knew he would ask so I answered before he had to. "Yuusuke, this is my mother, Jun. Mother, this is Yuusuke."  
  
"Hello, Yuusuke. I've heard a lot about you." Yuusuke's brown eyes met mine and he signaled me to follow him.  
  
"Excuse us." He grabbed my wrist and pulled me along with him until we were far enough away so no one could hear us. "You found her?"  
  
"She found me. I was talking to an old friend of mine. We had gone to school together and he.. well, said something and I ran from him. I'm staying with her now." He smiled.  
  
"So, she understands who we really are?" I nodded.  
  
"Besides, she doesn't want to get put into a mental institution for telling someone she talked to her daughter."  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"I am dead, remember?"  
  
"Yeah." He gave me a slap on the back. "Maybe she'll be great friends with my mom!"  
  
"Atsuko-san? I don't know. It could happen." He laughed and suddenly went quiet. "Hello, Keiko-chan!"  
  
"Botan!" She smiled at me. "Would you believe it took me an hour to track him down? He hid in every place imaginable.."  
  
"Well, he's here now, right? Anyway, I want to introduce you to someone.." It went on this way for a while until everyone knew who she was. Then we began the party. Yuusuke got to cut the cake, with me and Keiko at his side. I was ready with my oar and she was ready to slap him just in case. But he did fine.  
  
"Happy Birthday, Yuusuke!" We all said.. except for Hiei, I'm sure. When it got to the presents, Yuusuke picked up my box.  
  
"Open it first and save the card until afterward." I said quietly. He nodded and tore the paper off the box and opening it, smirking. "I figure that you'll train in it."  
  
"Yeah." He then reached for the card. He was shocked to see that it was a simple piece of paper inside a white envelope. He unfolded it and began reading it to himself. Then he smiled and looked at me. What was next, I didn't expect. He stood up and hugged me, twirling me around with a grin on his face. "Thanks, Botan."  
  
"Every word of it was the truth, Yuu-kun." He nodded. Then he went back through the presents. I left after a few minutes, going out to stand before the great staircase that we had to climb just to get up here.  
  
"Yuusuke, when I first met you.. and saw why you were such a special case, I was surprised. You had not been meant to die. I had wanted to trust you so much. But I haven't always been completely honest with you. All those times I had said that I was fine.. most of the time it was a complete lie. And during Maze Castle, I wished you guys all the best of luck and when Keiko was in danger.. I wouldn't have forgiven myself if they had gotten to her. I know how special she is to you. Well, I give you my best wishes. Have a happy birthday." I turned around. Kurama smiled at me and flashed me the paper.  
  
"I felt bad with all of that on my chest." He came over and wrapped his arms around my waist from behind. I leaned back in his arms, content that we had a small moment to ourselves.  
  
"I have a question."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"Why do you hug Hiei like that whenever you see him?" I smirked.  
  
"Well, he is my favorite fire demon and I know how much he hates hugs. It's just a way to pick on him and show him how much I like him at the same time."  
  
"He hates it, that's for sure." I laughed.  
  
"That is the point." He chuckled. With a small smile, we turned and watched our friends having fun getting Yuusuke with the icing from the cake. Yuusuke had already succeeded in grabbing Hiei and stuffing cake in his mouth, along with getting icing on his cheek. "They look so happy.."  
  
"I know someone who also deserves to be that happy."  
  
"Hiei..?" He sweat-dropped and stared at me with an incredulous face.  
  
"I meant.. you.."  
  
"Oh!" I grinned. "Well, you've got a long way to go."  
  
"Might as well begin now, ne?" He asked. I looked up at him and my eyes widened. I did not like that evil glint in his eyes or the evil smile that was starting to spread across his face. "You need a little icing on you so that you blend in!" I screamed when he grabbed me, collapsing and just giving up in his arms as he carried me over his shoulder.  
  
-  
  
Long chapter, eh? Wrote most of it.. today.. but if you want to get technical, then I wrote it yesterday, since it is 2:48 right now. n.n Please review! 


	10. Explanation

Hello, reviewers. I have not been able to sign online for a while now. I check my mail every so often at my best friend's house and I am also writing this and posting this at her house. I made sure to put it in my profile thingy but I guess no one checks those anymore. I am sincerely sorry for the long wait but we are trying to get back online. We have a little modem problem.

Anyway, I hope to get back online soon. I've been writing as though I were still on...so I guess that you'll all get some quick updates. Not too many at once, though, mind you. So, before you all think I abandoned you, it is not so.

Thank you for still having some patience.

I still love your reviews! Thanks for reading!

MysticBluAngel


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